College essay | Teen Ink

College essay

May 28, 2009
By Anonymous

The University values an educational environment that provides all members of the campus community with opportunities to grow and develop intellectually, personally, culturally and socially. In order to give us a more complete picture of you as an individual, please tell us about the particular life experiences, perspectives, talents, commitments and/or interests you will bring to our campus. In other words, how will your presence enrich our community?

It’s my first day at my new school. I just moved to Maui a month ago from southern California. To say it’s different here would be an understatement. Living in California, I’d become accustomed to smiling, friendly, blonde people. Looking around, I see the opposite.
A couple of local girls give me stink eye and I know exactly what they’re thinking: another stuck up haole girl. The bell rings and I hurry off to my first class, realizing I’m already late. The teachers talk with accents, and nobody pays any attention to me. I’m not used to being in such a hostile environment. The next couple classes go by and I still have no luck making friends. Now, it is fourth hour and looking down at my schedule, I realize I have art. I’m filled with relief because I’m always comfortable in art classes.
I walk into the room and introduce myself to the teacher, who gives me a kind smile, then tells me to take a seat. Our first assignment is to draw the person sitting next to us, without looking at the paper. I look to my right, and a girl’s sitting there. Not knowing how to start a conversation, I blurt out, “I’m new.”
She introduces herself as Heather. We start talking, giving information about ourselves and realize we have a lot common. The conversation opens up to the other people sitting at our table. Before I know it, we’ve all exchanged phone numbers and made plans to hang out after school.
Walking out of art with Heather, I realize how I should’ve been more outgoing in the first place, instead of worrying that everyone was judging me. The next day I do this, and before I know it I feel like I’m fitting in. My classmates, who I thought I would have nothing in common with, are actually easier to get along with than people in California. Although I don’t fit in with how I look, like I did in California, I fit in with my attitude. By being open and friendly, I was able to feel comfortable.

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This article has 10 comments.

lkim12 said...
on Oct. 23 2012 at 7:28 pm
i agree it doesnt really answer the question and its a little cliche

Ellayishere said...
on Oct. 23 2011 at 2:58 pm
Yeah, you really don't answer the question. I would try again really god essay though.

Alegria_25 said...
on Oct. 7 2011 at 4:57 pm
Alegria_25, Hallandale, Florida
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
This was a little bit fast paced, and a little too mundane. Try making it more dramatic and add a little more detail. State that this even caused you to be the outgoing person you are now, which will enrich the college youre applying to

Lenard said...
on Feb. 4 2011 at 9:33 am
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anon said...
on Jan. 6 2011 at 8:31 pm
this is a good essay but it doesnt really answer the question, "How will your presence enrich our community?"  i'm guessing this is to the uw system cause i too am apply to the uw system ahah well good luck

mikky said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 7:10 pm
i love this essay. its very comfurting to know that college is not so hostile as i thought. i have to remember to be open and friendly. i dont have to wait til someone makes the first move. college is what i make of it. i love this essay..keep writing !!!

krazyk GOLD said...
on Apr. 18 2010 at 3:34 am
krazyk GOLD, Modesto, California
11 articles 5 photos 26 comments
I really liked this. Very developed and descriptive. Great job and keep writing! =]

jonLiu said...
on Jan. 20 2010 at 5:14 pm
jonLiu, Fairfield, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
very nice :)

way2chunky said...
on Sep. 17 2009 at 6:22 am
way2chunky, Wallingford, Connecticut
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
i like this piece

tadasha_2006 said...
on Sep. 13 2009 at 1:10 pm
I Am of the pacific islander culture and many of us seem stuck up at first, but that isn't the case. Many of us look intimidating when really, we are just as shy as you and may think you are intimidating. So before you jump to conclusions next time, remember that. Overall, good essay.