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My Life Upside Down

Author's note: This story is dedicated to myself. Not because I’m selfish but because I wrote this...  Show full author's note »
Author's note:

This story is dedicated to myself.
Not because I’m selfish but because I wrote this story for myself. Writing this has helped me understand myself a lot more than I thought it would.

 

This is also dedicated to my love, Paul.
You have helped me through so much in my life without even knowing it. I love you with all I have and thank you for always supporting me in everything I do or want to do.

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Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 Next »

PROLOGUE….

Well when you start a story you start at the beginning, so really where does the beginning for me start? My life story might start the day I was born but this story started back in the 5th grade. Young, yes I know but that might not be the real start it’s just where I remember things going all wrong for me.
5th grade was not really that bad for me when I think of it as a whole, but within that year my parents divorced, I lost my best friend and lost my good self-image. My parents were going to get divorced it was a given, they would fight all the time. I didn't have a good relationship with my father, he wasn't the best guy in my life. As any kid I was upset that it was happening but I understood why my Mom was doing it. When I say I lost my best friend, I didn't really she will forever be there for me but in 5th grade she went from my best friend to just my friend. It did hurt but it did help my find new friends my first year of middle school. The hardest thing that leads to some more bad things was I started seeing things about myself I hated, basic acne problems and things like that but I also started to think I was fat or well bigger than the other kids. I really wasn't at all I was just growing. That mostly sums up the hard parts of my last year as an elementary kid.
         So next came of course 6th grade, everything changed. I did make new friend and everything but had a hard time going from so many friends to having no one at all. I didn't really know anyone in my classes and I was so scared of the big school. That year we had to move to Trenton which was way different than the small town seven mile. I didn't have bussing since we moved about half way through the year so I would walk home. I was having a lot of problems with my dad that I won't go into detail with yet. I thought I was ugly and fat. I started to little by little want to be perfect. I started to hate myself and to think I was only 11, I was hurting all the time but would act like I was okay. I started to want a thinner body and blonder hair. I wanted clear skin and good grades. Wanting them turned into me almost messing up everything I had. Rumors went around my grade and I was called fat for the first time in my life. I was so used to being called skinny and being skinny but when I started growing I gained some weight. I was still happy though, not totally depressed or anything.
In 7th grade I had my real two best friends Miranda and Maria, me and Miranda were only best friends throughout 7th grade to this day Maria and me are still the best’s friends. This is the year I made up my mind that I didn't want anything to do with my father. I also wanted to do something about my weight, I started to starve myself. I at first so sad I just couldn't to skipping meals and trying to not eat. I lost weight a little but not much. I felt sick and nasty. I hated myself on the outside and on the inside as well. I don't know much about that year I kind of blocked it out of my mind. I dieted and starved nothing much else. I did have many friends but that all started to change.
To end this prologue I'll share my 8th grade year, that year my life was upside down. I'll make this short and just share the highlights. I still starved myself, and I started to binge and purge. I also dyed my hair blonde and then brown, I also made one better friend and I cut for the first time. My new BFF was Rachel, she was a big help to me and help me on my worst days. I didn't really have anyone else because I cut everyone out. I was depressed and lonely. I hated myself more than anything, I hated going to my father’s house. Weight and control was the only thing I could think about. I took laxatives when I felt my worst so I could have pain without cutting. It turned into doing it to lose weight and all and all it sucked. The summer wasn't much better, well other than about a month before school started when I met a guy named Paul ( Paul is my current boyfriend and will be mentioned a lot because he meant the world to me way before we started dating.).
Now on to my life story the way I wrote it, in my journal. My real thoughts not just me looking back in time.

Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 Next »


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