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Fate and Faith;My Story
Fate and faith
Once upon a time a hero was born....
He knew that he was destined for greatness, for respect and admiration, and this hero lived happily....But not ever after.
Sadly his heroism turn into villainism, happiness turned into dreadfulness, respect turned into disgust, and once upon a time turned into “I'm losing my mind”. But eventually that heroism once again came back and he was no longer the Antichrist, he was once again the second coming.
I was born on April 29th 1997. I think that I had probably the most uneventful birth of all time, and I was also born on probably the most uneventful day of all time. And now I wonder actually if the year that I was born in was really eventful, the only thing of any importance that I know is that Anton Levey died the same year that I was born.
My mother decided to name me Jordan, after Michael Jordan, which is Ironic because I actually hate basketball. I actually like the name Jordan, but I hate my last name, for one It has the word “fowl” in it, and when I think of fowl I think of birds, and I actually have a weird irrational fear of birds.
I don't remember much of my early life for some reason, but I remember the first elementary school that I went to which was Samuel Coleridge Taylor. For awhile it was a good elementary school, but it also had a lot of problems. From what I remember the school was shut down for about two weeks one time due to some kind of pipe burst or heat problem I don't really no.
I went to that school from kindergarten to third grade. My mother had wanted me to transfer to the school my younger brother went to, however during my second grade year she was arrested for stealing a large amount of money from the Rite Aid she worked at, so I ended up staying there until the middle of my third grade year.
While my mother was arrested her best friend ended up taking my brother and I to go see her, despite the wishes of my grandmother and older sister. She was happy to see us, but it was also a sad to see my mother behind bars and in jail. My brother was to young to understand what was going on and figured that my mother was in the hospital.
She was soon released from jail, and I went to go live with her my brother and sister.
I started to attend Gwynns Falls Elementary school. For the second half of my third grade year. I got the nickname “Crybaby” because thats what I was. I was the kid who cried over little things, and the one who always cried, and now I don't cry anymore because I try to have a very stoic approach, but I still am as my high school Dean Mr Collins would call me “Over emotional”
My grandmother had started to get sick during my time at Gwynns Falls, When I was in the fourth grade my grandmothers health had been up and down. She had fought cancer and beat it, she had also fought heart failure, but soon her health started to catch up with her. One weekend my mother knew that something was wrong with her, she tried many times to call her, but she had been sleeping in later and later. My mother and I decided to go check on her, and once I saw her I knew that she was still very sick despite what the cancer doctors might have said.
I remember on that day when we went to her apartment, the cool feeling felt like Jack Frost himself had been blowing a breeze through out the house. To my surprise she was alright, she had just been sleeping later and later. That day my mother had to go to work, but just to be safe I decided to stay with my grandmother for the rest of the day.
Later that day we had watched West Side Story, since it was the only thing on TV for people without cable. I remember seeing the sickness in her eyes, but I also remember the happiness. She was happy that I was there with her, and I think she felt like she could always count on me. Later that day after coming from the bathroom I helped her on the bed, but while helping her she slipped and I don't really know how she died, but I believe she had a heart attack.
I felt as if my heart itself was splitting in half, like cupid had shot me with a poison arrow instead of a arrow of love. This is when my destiny took a change for the worst.
I remember on that day I started questioning the existence of God, deep down I knew that I didn't believe in a God, because I had prayed to him for everything with my grandmother to work out and it didn't. I however lied to myself for the longest time about Gods existence, but deep down I knew, that I could never believe in a God that let me see such misery.
You would think that someone would only have to experience tragedy like this once right? Wrong. Sadly the fates can be very cruel when they want to be.
I watched my mother go through sickness like this and slowly lose her vitality. I saw her fear, her biggest fear was death. She was not ready to see the reaper yet, but I believe slowly over time she started to give up and lose faith.
As she lost faith I lost more and more of mines, and on September 16th 2011 the Grim Reaper had finally won the battle.
I was not as upset with my mothers death. But I think it was because I had time to prepare for it, my heart was not as broken, Cupid only half hit me with his poisoned arrow.
I admitted to myself then that I no longer accepted the idea of a God and for awhile I ignored the whole subject of religion. After my mothers death I lived with my sister my brother and my sisters husband.
But I was a child of pain, I was a child who not only experienced so much tragedy in his life, but also had many problems at school. I had trouble connecting with people at the school that I went to “The Baltimore Civitas”
My first year at that school was not bad. The school was not even that bad,however over time I started feeling loneliness and boredom, and I often felt as if I had nobody to go to. I had great teachers who I still to this day talk to, however they weren't really what I was looking for.
However the second year of Civitas turned into all out pandemonium.It was like witnessing world war II and the civil war back to back, the second year was so chaotic that I didn't go to school for....Three Months.
I regret that, and to this day I think that was the most moronic decision I have ever made in my life. However, when I wasn't in school I was reading. Books became my best friend, fantasy was my favorite because it got me away from the real world. But another Genre soon caught my eye. It was not a fiction genre, it was something I had tried so hard to ignore for so long. Religion. I read about Wicca first, I read Scott Cunninghams “Guide for the Solitary practitioner” I thought that the book made a lot more sense then any of the big three religions. It also made me think about God, and balance.
I also started reading books on other branches of paganism, and I moved one by one through religious text. For awhile I considered myself some kind of Wiccan with spiritual beliefs “here and there”
I finally finished up at Civitas and with help from a former favorite teacher, I got into what could be considered one of the best, if not the best, middle schools in Maryland. Crossroads.
Crossroads at first glance was a weird school, with a unique look. The campus for Crossroads made hogwarts look like, West Baltimore Middle school. The campus had a few trailers which had classrooms in them, the campus also had a big tower tmade completely from wood, also there was a big pond next to it and we had a huge art room
At Crossroads I had many people I could connect with, student and teacher alike. Including a very Inspirational teacher Michael Hartwell, who ALWAYS worked to push you harder.
And of course, Ms Macuaig. The best art teacher anyone could have. Crossroads changed me, and showed me the inner strength and pride that I had within. We did some amazing projects at crossroads including POLS.
I'm still to this day not exactly sure what POL stood for, Project based learning or something(Which doesn't make since because it's POL not PBL) POLS where the end of the year projects at crossroads and POLS had judges. They would be your adviser your parent or guardian and a special judge. My adviser Mr Hartwell was the main judge along with my sister, and a lady who worked on the Crossroads board, a lady by the name of Ms Furs.
POLS also made you think a lot about what your where to become in life. My goal was to become a published author, something I had at the time always talked about but never thought possible,however there where three ways to pass the POL. Pass, pass with proficiency or pass with honors. I passed with honors the highest way to pass a POL, and once the POL was done I had a little more faith in myself and in my goal.
On June 6th 2013 we had gateway at Crossroads. Think of Gateway as the middle school version of graduation. Gateway was another remarkable moment in my time at Crossroads because it was probably the last time that I would see some of my friends. I also found out that it might be the last time I would see Ms Macuaig, because she would be leaving Crossroads. I soon felt the pain of my heart breaking, but then I felt something else. I felt strength, I felt my heart growing stronger and not breaking and I felt myself growing stronger. I knew that despite what I thought, at the end of the day everything would work out for the best.
I turned out to be right however because Ms Macuaig is now the art teacher at the school I currently attend.
After Crossroads I started writing a lot more and I started writing poetry, and although I am more of a fantasy writer it seems like my poetry is more popular. Crossroads and reading on religion had stored some of my faith, and though i'm not sure about the existence of a amphomorphic deity, I believe that something whether its the univerise it's self, or maybe even a God exist and watched over me.
I got accepted into Green Street academy for 9th grade, and during that year I got one of my poems published into “charm literary magazine, this is the poem.
The world is like a caterpillars cocoon
dark on the inside
small and confused on the outside
children are like a caterpillar before it goes into its cocoon
small and confused but the future
but youth is brainwashed most of the time
society is what brainwashes us believe or not
society is like going through a instant swirl of confusion
small and lost
But you have a chance as youth
what will you be the cocoon or the butterfly?
I believe that was one of the best things that I have ever written and many people would likely agree with me, in fact so many people did that I was voted for the second page of Charm, and was almost rewarded with the last page. My publication showed me that I not only reached my potential, but I am also a strong willed person, and that's something I should have told myself and knew about myself before.
I really don't know if I believe in fate or not, but I believe that we all have a chance to change our lives around and use the dark events in our lives to become more then what we are now, God may not be amphomorphic, but a piece of God and Immortality exist in us all once we accomplish our dreams.
This is a poem I recently wrote, and I believe this poem is a great way to close up this story.
Shattered dreams are like shattered glass
sharp and harmful
dreams can break as easily as glass can
without dreams man has no hope
without glass man has no reflection
but there is hope for the dreamer yet
Shattered glass can be turned back into a mirror with Glue
The reflection will once again be restored
A dream can also be turned back into what It once was with strength
and a dream can return the hope that was lost
and with that, we become the true Gods
with our omnipotence that's within,
and it all starts with fixing a shattered dream.