When I was in seventh grade I grew in to my personality, I finally knew who I was, and who I wanted to be. I had learned that I didn’t care what other people thought, I was always gonna be myself. I learned that no matter how much makeup someone wears, their ugly will still seep through, that true beauty was what was inside. I learned that there was no forever and I should just live in the present, instead of worrying or planning the future.
That year I decided that being mean to people was useless and I wasn’t getting anywhere with it. I decided I wanted to just be a normal kid and hang out with my friends. So that’s what I did, I started showing everyone who I really was. I dressed up when I could and was fun and out-going with everyone. I stayed honest to myself and my friends but things still happened against me…
Once I started really talking to people instead of just looking over them, I learned that there were some really cool people in my school. People who could bend their bodies in a perfect box, people who had started tattooing, people who had eyes you could melt into, really cute people. That’s when I developed my first real, hard-core crush… or crushes.
There were these three guys in eighth grade that were absolutely gorgeous, and I was obsessed with them. Now that I was finally showing myself off, I started paying attention to everyone else, and these three boys, they caught my attention. The only problem? They were best friends.
Andrew, Joey and Isaiah, the three most popular guys in the school.  They knew everyone and everyone liked them, because they were perfect. Absolutely perfect.

“Do you see the one with the earring??? Next to Torres?” I asked my friends at our lunch table.
“Yea, that’s the boy Kaylee used to like. Remember we used to call him skittles,” my closest friend Ashanti reminded me. Kaylee was a girl that used to go to our school. We became instant friends when she came and that’s when I really started to get into trouble. I remember going up to the boy and telling him she liked him, she used to make me do it every day.
“Well, I’ve been texting him,” I said with a proud smile on my face. My smile was halted by a loud laugh from all around me. I looked around and all my friends were just about dying of laughter, “what?” I asked defensively.
One of the twins, Claire, got serious and just looked at me, “He’s the one that failed,” she said solemnly.
“And?” I was the stubborn one in the group.
“He’s in eighth grade AND he failed. He’s like 15 now,” Claires other half, Abby said.
That changed everything. He was 15 years old. I wasn’t even 13 yet, but he was so cute. And nice, he was super nice. He knew how old I was, didn’t he? Well that ruled him out. After that day I started paying more attention to the other guys, I was still texting him but I was much more distant than before. I don’t think he noticed because he seemed to be getting more comfortable with talking to me, he started telling me more.
Me and the other boys were getting along too. Isaiah was dreamy and sweet and funny. I loved talking to him. Joey was really cool and goofy, he was the most fun to be around. But Andrew, he was different. Even though he was so much older than me I couldn’t help but like him more and more every day.
After a few weeks of talking, me and Isaiah started hanging out after school. Every day. I really enjoyed hanging out with him, even though we didn’t do much. Usually we would just walk to the Marc’s next to my school and sit in front of the door and talk until his mom came to get him.
I started to really like him and I thought he liked me too. I told my mom about all three of the guys I liked that night. I told her every detail of them and what it was like hanging out with them.
"Just focus on school, guys are just a distraction," she said with a kind laugh, but I knew she understood.
After hanging out with all of them for a while longer I learned that Joey was just the friend type, someone I can talk to about anything without him judging me.  A little while after I stopped trying with him he started dating this girl Allison in 6th grade, she was nasty. She had piercings under her tongue and on her lips. And she talked to all the boys in our school.
One time I was on my way to meet up with Isaiah and Andrew and I saw Allison push Joey up against the longer and shove her tongue down his throat... Ew. I could see their spit going into each others mouths and I wanted to gag. They broke up the next week because Allison didn't like that Joey hung out with me and Luis sometimes. We told her to get over herself.
One day Isaiah didn't come to school so me and Andrew decided to hang out without him. When we got up to Marcs everyone was gone from our school parking lot and nobody was coming out of the store. I looked at him awkwardly and walked over to this vault thing that came out of the wall. As I hopped on top of the vault Andrew walked up right in front of me. We started talking about how we used to hate each other and how different we were just the year before.
"I'm glad things changed, life is so much more fun when you're open to different things," I said, watching his every move.
"Yeah, me too. I like chillin' with you," he replied staring at me intensely. I was getting really nervous, he had never acted so weird around me.
"Well, you’re not so bad yourself," I said the only cliche thing I could think of. I could see him inching closer to me and feel my heart pounding harder with each step. I didn't know what to do, I didn't have anywhere to go.
I saw his eyes move down to my lips and when he was just inches away from me...
"Can I kiss you,” he said in an awkward, soft yet confident voice.
I didn't know what to do, what to say. I couldn't say anything; he didn't give me any time to think. He just leaned in quickly and made things 10,000 times more awkward.
I was terrified, I felt like he was trying to choke me with his tongue. I could feel his spit mixing with mine and I could taste the difference.  I didn't know what to do. I just tried to follow what he was doing.  Finally he pulled away with a smile and bit his lip.
"I need to go," I said quickly when I had the chance. I jumped off the vault and started walking fast toward the end of the parking lot
"Bye beautiful," he said quietly and started walking the other way.
My heart was racing and I couldn't help but thank god we didn't walk the same way.  When I finally made it around the corner and he couldn't see me anymore I stopped walking and leaned against the fence behind me. I was attempting to catch my breath when I realized how excited I was. It was like the kiss gave me a rush. My heart was still racing but my breathing was beginning to slow down. I couldn't believe that had just happened. I could still taste his spit in my mouth, but I didn't mind it. In all these years I'd been gagging at the thought of someone else’s spit, and I was excited about it. I didn't care that my mouth was tainted by his, I liked it.
For the next couple days all I thought of was that kiss, but I didn't tell anyone. I didn't tell my friends, or Isaiah or even my mom. For some reason, I wanted it sacred. I didn't want anyone to know.
A few weeks went by and nothing happened between me and Andrew, and everyone seemed to be rooting for me and Isaiah. Even my mom told me to go out with him. One day me, Luis and our friend Joe Crow were hanging out behind Marcs by these big merch trucks hiding from the snow. And then Joe Crow changed my life.
"Hey, Tyler you know Isaiah likes you right?" Crow said with a mocking smile. I just rolled my eyes and ignored him
"I'm serious Tyler. He really does, he talks about you all the time." He was starting to make things awkward, I mean did he not notice that Isaiah was sitting right next to me!
"Whatever Crow Bar," that was my nickname for him, "if that makes you happy," he knew I was being sarcastic because he was embarrassing me. And he thought it was funny.
And then it happened, something I never expected to happen to me.
"Um, Tyler," I could hear the nervousness in his voice, "Would you, uh, be my girlfriend"
I was so excited I didn't know what to say. I suddenly got super shy, so I looked at Crow wide eyed. I guess I took too long because Isaiah felt rejected and started walking away.
"Hey, Isaiah" I called after him, "Yeah I would"
"Cool, you wanna come to the game tomorrow? I'm playing."
"Yeah, sounds fun," I let out a long sigh of relief as I watched him walk to
him moms car.
               After he left me and Joe Crow jumped around for a little bit out of excitement and then we parted ways and walked home. I was too excited to wait so I called my mom on my way to the bus stop to tell her everything.  The next day was March Madness, our school’s student vs. Staff basketball game. And Isaiah, Andrew, and Joey were all playing for the students. All of my friends were in the band playing for half time so I went and sat behind them.
When my friends weren't playing I told them all about me and Isaiah. They didn't exactly approve but they were super excited that it finally happened, and so was I. I cheered him on to no end while he was playing. All of my friends laughed at me when they saw my expression at Isaiah jumping up to make the hoop. He was gorgeous and I was absolutely infatuated with Him.
At half time me and him snuck off to the back of the hall where there weren't any food stands. We talked and laughed and just sat around away from everyone else. It was magical. After a while some of the other team mates came to get us because the game was started up again. They were not happy. We rushed back to the gymnasium and separated. I don't think anyone suspected anything.
The next day everyone knew. I didn't know how they knew, they just did. When I walked into math class everyone was looking at me.
"I heard you and Febres finally made it official," Mr. Sunkle mocked.
I looked at my friends and they just shrugged.
"Who told you?" I asked nonchalantly.
"Nobody," he taunted, "and everybody"
All that ran through my head was everybody knows, there's no hiding it. They just know.
In the halls I saw Andrew and smiled at him, but he didn't smile back. I started to walk toward him and he just looked into his locker.
"Hey, what's up? You played good last night" I said smiling.
"Yeah, so did Isaiah," he said harshly. He slammed his locker and walked away.
So he was mad. I didn't want to know how everyone else was reacting. I got pissed looks from girls in the halls. Guys were mad I was taken. And teachers were irritated with me for creating a distraction.
After a few weeks people got over it and started living their own lives. But Andrew got over it in a different way. One day on my way home I heard my phone buzz so I fished it out of my backpack. I opened up my messages and clicked on my most recent text.
???: hey beautiful, wanna come over today and hangout??
Me: who is this?
???: I still have your pack of gum ;)
Me: Andrew what do you want?
Andrew: For you to come over duh
Me: goodbye Andrew.
Andrew: wait, you know you still like me. You don't even like Luis. Come over.

I took screenshots of the messages and then deleted the conversation. After that day he texted me almost everyday trying to get me to go to his house or hangout without Isiah. And when we hung out in groups, he acted like everything was normal and he thought me and Isaiah were cute together.
When the weather started warming up we all started hanging out more. Me and Isaiah had plans to go to the park that day, but by the end of school he was ignoring me. I tried to walk up to him but he just moved behind his friends. When I said hey he ignored me and talked to someone else. I decided I would just walk home alone and assumed he was just upset about something, he probably just got another detention or something.
Bzzzzzzzzz!!  My phone went off. It was Andrew.
Andrew:hey are you okay?
Me: why wouldn't I be?
Andrew: Isaiah is pissed at you. That's why you guys didn't go to Gunning.
Me: well, why the hell is he mad at me?  I didn't do anything?
Andrew: Someone told him you cheated on him...
Me: WHAT?! who would I cheat on him with? Who told him that?!?!?
Andrew: I don't know who told him but he said it was someone name Jason or Jay or something.
Me: Jay!? Are you screwing with me? This isn't funny.
Andrew: no why would I lie about this?
Me: Andrew, Jay is like 30 years old. He's engaged to my SISTER!
Andrew: well, he's convinced you're cheating.

After that I stopped replying. I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't believe this was happening. Who would do that, why would he believe that? I just didn't know anymore. Later that day I was laying in bed thinking about all that was happening, trying to figure out who would tell him that. I tried texting him but he wouldn't reply. He just didn't want to talk. I didn't want to call because he would probably have his brother answer and I just didn't know what to say.
Bzzzzzzz my heart leaped, he finally texted me back. I'd get some answers and we could figure this out. But it wasn't him.
Andrew: I'm sorry. He's stupid. Just forget about him.
Me: he's my boyfriend for a reason.I'm not just gonna forget him
Andrew: I'm Here For you though.
Me: he just needs to grow up and talk to me. How else do we figure this out.
Andrew: he doesn't want to. Trust me beautiful. Forget him.
Me: stop, please.
Andrew: no you know i like you. You like me too.
Me: I'm already going through enough, don't give me more.
Andrew: are you crying?
Me: a little.
Andrew: don't. You are too beautiful to cry.
Me: whatever, lol I don't think I'm coming to school tomorrow.
Andrew: no come. Don't let him ruin your week. Come to school and show him you don't care.
Me: I can't.
Andrew: yes you can. Do you want me to bring you flowers?
He had never acted like this towards me. He has never acted  so sweet. Never offered to buy me flowers or cared if I cried. And that's when everything came clear. Andrew was the only one who knew Jay existed. I had never mentioned him to anyone else. And Andrew is the only person Isaiah would believe over me. I couldn’t believe it.. Andrew told Isaiah I was cheating on him. And made sure he would be the first person to comfort me when Isaiah shut me out. He knew I would be sensitive and want to talk to someone. He played me.