Under the Influece (Of You)

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For years I’ve lived under the influence;
Everyday it’s driven me insane.
If I could, I don’t think I would refrain
From feeling my heartbeat’s rapid cadence.
Above, I’d feel a terrible grievance;
Missing this feeling would become my bane,
A much worse destiny than to deplane
A million miles into death’s essence.

What is this that can manipulate me
Into accepting everything untrue?
For days I have wondered: what is the key
To getting more than your fair virtue?
Because for more than a year I have lived.
I’ve lived under the influence of you.





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This article has 6 comments. Post your own now!

JoPepper said...
Aug. 10, 2011 at 4:46 pm
This is very good, I really like the way it flowed.  The second line needs a comma after "Everyday' or something...  very good keep writing!!!! :D
 
Eirias said...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 10:34 am

Rhyme scheme, rhyme scheme, rhyme scheme! Why does everyone have such an awkward rhyme scheme?? Sorry, but most of the poems I've looked at so far have inconsistant rhyme scheme, and I've had to type the SAME thing over and over and over and it's really getting old. I guess that rant was mostly 'cause I'm bored with everyone doing the same thing wrong. Haha, it bothered me even more than the misspelled title!

 

Anyways, rhyme scheme should be regular. I should see a rhyme p... (more »)

 
Emily.L replied...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 11:46 am
Yeah, but my rhyme scheme is for a petrarchan sonnet, so it goes abbaabba and then there's different versions of the sestet. Thanks though! :)
 
. replied...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm
oh, okay. So then I guess "influence" was part of A? I think you need a closer rhyme.
 
.Izzy. said...
Jul. 22, 2011 at 10:18 am
I can soooo relate to this /: This is a great poem. Good job!
 
M.Lizeth said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Great poem, I must say. I just love the diction you chose; they're words I don't see often. You used them in a great way though. I loved the lines:

"Above, I’d feel a terrible grievance;
Missing this feeling would become my bane,
A much worse destiny than to deplane
A million miles into death’s essence."

Seriously, this is a great and lovely poem. Keep writing kidd (:

 
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