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The Mirror

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Life is like a compact mirror.
When you travel to Heaven's door,
It is where Saint Peter would peek,
To see what you did every week,
To see what you did every day,
To hear everything you did say,
What you thought of every minute
And if you deserve Heaven's heat.
Life may be a mirror so small,
But it is bigger than the mall.
If you know what it might reflect,
You might tell yourself "what the heck"
Now, be nice - do not say "you suck"
Because life can really do suck





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Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 2:09 pm

The poem is very weak at the end , but very strong in the beginning. There's a small grammatical error at the end. It's supposed to say " because life can really suck" Otherwise , it would be grammatically incorrect. I felt as if the line " But it is bigger than the mall" was a bit amateur and didn't help the flow of the poem. It's a nice poem nevertheless.

 

I apologize if I hurt your feelings , as I am only trying to improve your writing by showing you want you can work o... (more »)

 
FreedomIsMyVirtue replied...
Aug. 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm
No need to worry, girl. And I actually need to thank you... :) 
 
Emily.L said...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm
I liked "Life may be a mirror so small." I didn't like the last 3 lines that much, but the rest of the poem was really good :)
 
Healing_Angel This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 7:31 pm
Have faith in yourself! Apart from a few small grammar mistakes, this was good! :) I liked it... :)
 
FreedomIsMyVirtue replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 5:29 am
Thanks... Glad you like it. When I re-read this. I didn't see the grammatical mistakes. Can you please specify? :)
 
hanging_girl_666This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 16, 2011 at 11:02 pm
Im not big on the ending, but i really liked the beginning and the middle. :)
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 2:12 am
Huh? What you mean? And what did you find in the middle and beginning that was gone with the ending? It might help :)
 
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