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April 23, 2018
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Freezing you into my memories
Remembering how you wore fatigue
Like a suit of armor.
Remembering how you
Smelt like home and burnt sugar.
Remembering how you
Hid the key and I went towards the razor blades whispering sweet.

Did you read that in the sea-glass?
That we’d fight to become the thinnest?
We’d learn to identify the feeling,
Of lines on our hips a disguise,
Glittering girls with their lies,
Our frames would become cracked.
We’d measure our sins and thicken our masks.
Oh, that I’d leave you all alone,
I wouldn’t answer the phone
That I’ve had to learn to cope
Without you

Battles weren’t worth fighting, so we cut too deep
Our days were lost in nightmares, we forgot to eat
Disordered behavior.
Casting iron hooks to my eyes painted open
Couldn’t find an exit, so we learned to stop hoping,
Looking for a lost world,
All I needed was some closure.

Keeping bandaids on my weeping cuts
Society is telling me to hush, hush, hush (I’m crazy)
Counting to 33, phone calls and calories
Screaming I should’ve done anything/everything
Unzipping my skin and your ghost trickles outa’ me (I’m sorry)

You said sea glass showed the future present
I’m pretty sure you never saw your casket
You would’ve done everything different
And now here we are in the wrong positions
Only if we really listened
We could still be sitting on the counter in your kitchen
Telling your mama we ate and we actually did
We were skeletons acting like we were living
Used to look in the mirror at something “perfect”
But now all I see is something sickening

Did the sea glass tell you
I wouldn’t answer the phone
That I’ve been struggling to learn to cope
Without you

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