Knowing Nothing of This ’Til Then This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

January 28, 2009
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I was younger then, but only by months.
Curiosity settled unbearably throughout my limbs
And I waited
Patiently for you to carry yourself down wooden stairs
Rightleftright – my ear against olive-colored carpet
To make sure that coast was clear
Hands resting on hinge of drawer and pulling
I reached inside, ransacked and shifted through its contents
And uncovered your thoughts in journal form (success)
I remembered then how embarrassment
Burnt my cheeks red
Everything you said when you found the
Monster I had hidden in the sheets beneath my bed
And I recalled your tears
The shape your body took, fetally curled
With your knees against your chest
You wept endlessly.
Fearing flood or revenge
I tossed and turned that night, grasping the fact
That I had failed you and again –
When I opened that leather cover and divulged
Your evenly spaced print to my eyes and that entry
I had watched you record on blue printed lines
Night prior, before dark, before saying
“Sharpen this, please!” in an angry tone
From across the hall and again –
With a clean-cut graphite tip you wrote
“October twenty-second …”
In the uppermost corner and proceeded with
“My Journal, I have never felt so alone …”

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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This article has 284 comments. Post your own now!

Jesse H. said...
Sept. 7, 2010 at 10:25 am

A really great poem. I, myself also sneaked onto my sister's diary once and well, yeah I know how it feels(was never caught though).

Thanks for this piece of writing :)

MeganSeesStars This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 9:15 pm
i cant really understand some of it.. but i get the jist. its deep. good job(:
Natherine said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 3:46 pm
i love thiss itss deep. i dont really know what yuhr talking baout but thats why ilike it :) check out my work and giv me some feed bak thankss (:
gaby23 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 12:41 pm
when i read this poem there was almost a fear in each word and the way you can capture that emotion means that you are really talented...! great job, i really admire the work you did
xXForgottenxEmoXx said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 11:18 am
This is an amazing poem and I love it! I hope to see another one from you that is just as amazing or better!!! :D
Aqua90210 said...
Aug. 16, 2010 at 8:54 am
I though it was  really good
MercedesXO said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:48 pm

I had to read it twice. But I often find that with some of the more meaningful and complex poetry does that to you:) VERY nice work, and i give you credit for expressing your feelings so freely and admitting that you were wrong and sorry. It was very nice. I can DEFFINITELY mother read my diaries. I was soooo hurt, so embaressed, felt so betrayed and alone, disgusted and hurt. Journals/diaries are the most private and personal things. I had been collecting diaries since i could wr... (more »)

MercedesXO replied...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:50 pm
i meant "Blistered fingers". typo-my bad. lol
Vanessa L. said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 8:45 pm
thats really're an awsome writer Ü
foreverwelsh said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 3:52 pm

okay just read a load of comments and i really dont understand why so many people dont get it or think its a novel :S its fab, if u dont get it read it again, thats what i did :D

really well written :)

meganiscooler This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2010 at 2:18 am
I love this more every time I read it.. (that sounds creepy, sorry.) But it also makes me sad, brings back memories.. I was heartbroken when my sister read my journal.. ugh. Great job, though.
DifferentTeen said...
Jul. 22, 2010 at 7:16 pm

It did take some understanding but it wasn't all that confusing.

All in all, an excellent poem.

Pearlcr said...
Jul. 3, 2010 at 9:45 am
really guud poem....u hav a talent 4 writing...!
FaithSnyder16 said...
Jun. 29, 2010 at 3:00 am
This is really a great poem, the detail almost seemed as if it was a short story of some sort but I did love it. I know what it's like to have a journal read and someone finding something out they never should have known, so it is hard and you did very well capturing that in this poem. Great work. :)
MeganGiselle said...
Jun. 11, 2010 at 7:03 pm
I had to read this poem twice to understand it, but once I did the poem took on a new meaning. It is absolutely amazing, and those people who said they did not understand it should try reading it again out loud, because it is truly fantastic. 
AllayAlaneLarllyLuu said...
Jun. 11, 2010 at 6:25 pm
I agree. The poem is amazing, but i didn't quite understand it. Could you explain it for us?
brax34 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 11, 2010 at 11:23 am
im kind of with losing_but_not_lost246 here, it was difficult to keep track of in your head, and the meaning kind of seemed elusive.  You had to think about it for a second to understand it.  It did have really nice depth and rythm, though.
losing_but_not_lost246 said...
May 20, 2010 at 9:58 pm
I really liked the poem...It was amazingly awesome, but I didn't understand what it was about...But it was a really well written poem and I enjoyed reading it!
SarahJumps replied...
May 20, 2010 at 10:11 pm
it's about a journal that was stolen and read. Beautiful job. I can relate well. 
losing_but_not_lost246 replied...
May 20, 2010 at 10:13 pm
oh...okay...I get it now...THANKS! :)
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