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Farewell

I look at the world like a window feel distance and beyond my reach. In the real world I am mostly erase can't see my face nor hear me. I am invisible in this world you call reality.But I call it a living nightmare or a world that isn't there. Even thou I am here I feel like I don't belong, reality haven't really accept me as one of it own. There is only one world that will accept me for who I am you call it a dream but it real to me. It the only place were I can breath and feel alive for the first time. It doesn't cause pain either suffering and anyone is invite. You been there before. It were people fantasy and dream grow even more. All you need to do is go to sleep and you there once again. But you can live there forever you need to wake up! It sad I know but it isn't bye forever but see you next time at night farewell.




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Kait-DreamsOfGoldThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
today at 8:42 pm:
I'm not sure what you wanted to go on about in this poem, and the format makes it fuzzy. You should insert verses, and stanzas. I will go over this with you, and I hope you will learn something so, henceforth I do not have to correct this for you. We will go with the verses first. You need to make them clear, and, in true poetry, we do not include paragraphs upon paragraphs to terrorize our victims. I will fix a few lines with you, and you... (more »)
 
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NarutosimG said...
today at 8:13 pm:
here my  no gramer make sence poem below:I look at the world like a window, feel distance, and beyond my reach. In the real world I am mostly erase can't see my face nor hear me. I am invisible in this world you call reality.But I call it a living nightmare or a world that isn't there. Even thou I am here I feel like I don't belong, reality haven't really accept me as one of it own. There is only one world that will accept me for who I am you call it a dream but it real to m... (more »)
 
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Jade.I.AmThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 7:58 pm:
I really like the concept, first of all. But I'm just gonna be blunt about the way it was executed—it could have been written better. The block formatting is confusing, and some sentences run on.....and the grammar isn't as good as it should be. I feel like it says the same thing the whole way through—you know? I wasn't surprised or challenged when reading it. I'd give this a 3/5. Keep it up, though! :)
 
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HazelGraceThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 9 at 11:36 pm:
This is nice, but a few things: 1. Grammaer kind of messes up the flow 2. You need to try and make your line breaks more deliberate, so they have more effect 3. It's a little reptitive with the language, watch for using 'I" too much 4. Try to end and begin with more of a bang  Overall, nice job and nice poem
 
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SakuyaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jan. 8 at 1:32 pm:
I like the idea of this but you do have some spelling and other errors, which can take away from a great piece like this. I think if you connected your imagery together it could become even better
 
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AhtmahKhalsaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:32 pm:
Very Good! Sad But Good! :)
 
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B.C.S. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 1:40 pm:
The theme was good, but i would check for typos and the tenses if your verbs, it will help things flow a little better, good job!
 
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HamzawaseemThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 11:16 am:
good theme
 
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Picus. said...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 8:35 am:
Good Job. =D
 
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WORDISFOREVERALONEThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 9:48 pm:
Jeane this poem is beautiful. I'm glad i got to read it and I applaud it. Again. Beautiful. -Word
 
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