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I’m not going to call you and cry anymore
listening to the sounds of your resistance
until my optimism and desperation run dry
leaving me facing four blank walls of hopelessness.
I am forced to watch the world opening up before your hungry eyes.
you won’t find me on your doorstep
with tears in my eyes and a blubbering mouth
so spell out your contradictions again
maybe this time I’ll understand
you want me but you don’t
you need me but you can’t
you miss me but sometimes you forget to.
Your shaky voice, bursting with grief and regret, forces me to wait for something that will never come back.
you’ve made your opinions clear
and the realization that there is
I can do
leaves me cold and caged.
I pace around my mind
looking for alternatives
and find only two:
fight for it or let it go
because you won’t fight for me anymore
and my dignity is ticking away
the time bomb that keeps
my fingers from the telephone
and my feet from following the well-worn path
to your house.
I feel cold and alone and small
you detach yourself through your unawareness.
I call you
and you force hope into my exhausted mind
and between my clenched fists
then walk away without looking back.
What am I supposed to do with it?
I am locked in place
unable to disconnect
stuck in your waver between rejection and dedication
trapped in your hesitation at forever
My heart is caught between beat and break.