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I Told No One
To put it bluntly,
She was a cutter,
Running razors across
Her milky white wrists,
Blood dripping down, down,
And it soothed her.
She showed me
Her scars with
Frightened does’ eyes.
I told no one.
She called me in the early morning
To calm her down
Each time she
Slit her pretty skin to bits.
She covered up like it was
Going to snow in springtime
And sobbed into my shoulder,
Body heaving,
Horrible coughs escaping
From her exhausted body.
I carried her on my back,
I whispered words of solace:
I’m here.
I’m here.
I told no one.
She thought about death
Every day,
Telling me she was trapped.
And I could see her,
In a prison she built herself,
Iron bars locking her away
From all she loved.
She held the key in her hand
But she gripped it so tightly
It cut into her skin
To bleed around her feet.
And I, still, told no one.
She was wasting away
Like a maggot-covered skeleton
Of a body buried alive.
She smiled but her eyes were
Dead.
She talked but said
Nothing.
She saw but she was lost in her
Thoughts.
I told no one.
One day I gripped her sweaty palm
And led her into the office halls
To the door marked counselor.
I lied to her,
Telling her that
No one would find out
When I already knew
They had called her parents.
I, still, held her hand,
As she shook and wept
Before the woman who
Was paid to pretend she cared.
The woman explained she
Made a phone call,
Parents notified,
On their way.
She collapsed into me,
Gripping me tightly.
All I could do was hold her.
And then she changed.
Under a therapist’s guiding hand, she
Gulped down
Artificial happiness in
The form of a pill.
She smiled too wide
She talked too fast
She laughed too often
She skipped instead of walked
She told everyone who
Would listen
About what happened
She was too happy.
And I couldn’t handle
Her, this fake,
Pill-popping,
Skipping,
Giggling,
Monster of
Her former self.
I drew away
Unsure of why;
I couldn’t be around her.
She sickened me.
I told no one.
As I drifted away
More and more from
Her life, she,
Likewise,
Chased after me frantically
Scared she would lose me
As if, if I were gone,
She’d drown in the
Deep waters lapping at
Her floating body.
Being her life-boat meant
I couldn’t live myself;
All that I ever did was for
Her
All that I ever said was for
Her
I couldn’t handle anymore of
Her
So I broke apart from
Her.
She became obsessed with me.
Sent me constant texts
Hoping I’d respond.
I never did.
I stopped telling her that
“I loved her”
And it hurt her.
But, I,
I didn’t feel anything.
I told no one.
After that I started to feel very
Different and
Alone and
Maybe drowning, too
In darker waters
So much darker.
They consumed me from the inside out
They soaked my
Brain with
Thoughts of
Swallowing pills
And falling into
An eternal
Sleep.
And
I
Told
No
One.
I broke.
I realized that
I had always been pretending
That I was happy
So that others
Could be happy, too.
I tried to be
Strong,
But I broke and
My clothes were soaked in
Tear-stains and
The scent of
Death that
Followed me.
And I told no one
Until the day
It was too strong;
The monster in my brain
that dragged me into
the dark waters
left me
gasping
and gasping for
air and I
screamed at
the top of my
lungs and I
was beginning to
slip and then a
hand caught
me and
held me
and I told them
everything.
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