Am I that girl?

March 5, 2012
From the quiet voice of the fat girl
Trust me,
I know
I’ve been there before:
I am still there
I am that girl

I am the girl
Who stares longingly at those jeans,
The ones sized at double zero
The ones she knows she can never have

I am that girl
Who envies the others,
The ones with toothpicks for thighs,
Contact-sized breasts,
Perfect 24-inch waists

I am the girl
Who eats because I can,
Not because I need to

I am that girl
Who stays up at night,
Pondering society,
Cussing out those damn roses
Who promised me beauty
But only gave me pain

I am the girl
Who knows why the caged bird sings:
Because freedom is a dirty lie
Because perfection isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be
Because anger doesn’t solve much,
Except for ruining someone’s ride home

I don’t want to be that girl
Who doesn’t love herself
The one who cares what others think about her
The one that changes herself
Into someone she doesn’t know
Someone she wishes she wasn’t

I refuse to be that girl
And this is where I take my stand
Defining the new version of beauty
Whatever it may be
From now
Till forever,
I will not be that girl
Who lets others define who she is
Who hates herself for being who she is
Who doesn’t know who she is
I am not that girl

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