Just A Memory

January 6, 2012
Scattered across the cracked cement
Are just random pictures of what used to be
What I used to call happy
Smiling and laughing,
Delight in our eyes, no worry in our hearts
Just the feeling of flying
“I have finally done it. I’ve made my true friends”
That old butterfly that battered in my stomach had died of suffocation
When it bunched up into a permanent knot of depression and sadness
That felt so long ago….
As my cold finger traces my…friends’…happy faces
One warm tear slides down my frozen cheek
The fuzzy feeling of acceptance is now a sharp steel dagger implanted in my back
That had set a course for my heart in the process
As we grew up faster than what was expected
We also grew apart
The smiles faded
The laughter had died
And so did my happiness
As I slipped deeper and deeper into my hole of depression
Reaching out a hand to these people, begging for help
They stared at me with blank faces
And walked away
The bond that once so strong that we held
Had snapped as easily as a frozen dead twig
They had left me.
Why would they waste their time on someone that seemed who could not be saved?
They had better things to do with their time.
Better friends who could keep them happy.
Who shared the same interests as them.
And I was left, slipping farther and farther from reality
Waiting for the cold hands of death to rip me apart for good.
I choke out a sob now, as I recall this terrible time
How could they let their once best friend die?
Because she was different.
She had no religion.
She had no ‘right’ views on life
So why should they save her?
The depression within me soon bubbled up into anger and hatred.
There is no way I was going to be left there.
All alone, to die
They shall be punished for what they did
Some way
I will find revenge.
As I look at my final photographs, the tears have stopped
The feeling of searing rage still burns deep within my heart.
I stand up off my knees and gather the old photographs
And with a simple flick of a lighter, they blew up in flames.
I watched them burn on the side walk with an intense satisfaction
I must wait for the day
When my revenge will come.
But for now,
I will enjoy my life
So I walk away from the tall burning flames of what used to be my happy innocent youth
My old friends, the feeling of betrayal, the pain of almost dying
Emotionally, and almost physically
Just a bitter, tainted memory.

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