Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2181 comments.


bbgawd SILVER said...
on Dec. 18 2012 at 8:28 am
bbgawd SILVER, Millville, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments
I just got back into writing but I must say this is Amazing, then end really got me .. Keep it up ! <3

on Dec. 17 2012 at 12:12 am
carolinagirl996 BRONZE, Wake Forest, North Carolina
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"It's not what you look at that matters, It's what you see."

wow... beautiful! I love this

on Dec. 14 2012 at 10:17 pm
Inoui_Fou BRONZE, Stockton, California
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
the best kind of people are the ones that make you feel uncomfortable, in a good way.

i feel its was pretty good and creative.

on Dec. 13 2012 at 8:36 pm
carrie124 BRONZE, Ocala Florida, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
believing is achieving

i loved it it was awnsome but dont make some parts in rhyming seem almost predictable leave the reader hanging on every word and rhyme them with things only the wittiest could predict. your a great poet keep trying!!!

on Dec. 12 2012 at 9:56 pm
NickBottom SILVER, BURKE, Virginia
8 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth. Truth is not beauty. Beauty is not love. Love is not music. Music is everything."
-Frank Zappa

"What doesn't kill you makes you stranger."
-Heath Ledger

This is really interesting. Is it supposed to be about your father limiting you?

on Dec. 10 2012 at 9:30 pm
EllieSwims BRONZE, Arlington, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life without goals is like a race without a finish line."
~Anonymous

This poem connects to me on so many levels. My dad hates the idea of me becoming a writer.

Anna41 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 10 2012 at 3:01 pm
Anna41 BRONZE, Dumfries, Other
4 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be the change you want to see in the world"

Define monster - A person who can't be loved

Me too. It just drew me in.

on Dec. 10 2012 at 10:26 am
FearlessAngel GOLD, Bellevue, Nebraska
10 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is just a simple compromise, so we can get what we want out of it."
~Paramore

Wow. I love that you tossed out the rules of grammar and made it seem more innocent. This is real poetry: imagry writing about emotion and mentality. Amazing = )

on Dec. 4 2012 at 10:07 pm
nakoLa PLATINUM, Springhill, Florida
45 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is not about waiting for the stom to pass.
Its about learning to dance in the rain.

If you don't mind me asking, what inspired you to write this and when you did, did you have to rewrite it alot or was this pretty much your first draft? Also is this your favorite poem, or at least one of them? Did you think it was going to be so successfull? Im sorry...i ask a lot :)

WR1T3R GOLD said...
on Nov. 28 2012 at 7:02 pm
WR1T3R GOLD, Bloomfield, New Mexico
10 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Laziness comes from receiving rewards without the effort'

Astounding!!! I had a glimpse of it and I had to continue reading.

on Nov. 1 2012 at 3:30 pm
ChobaniLuvinPenguin PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York
29 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well."
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

That was just amazing!!!!!! Such a beautiful poem! The rhythm helps it flow and really shapes the story. You're so good!!!! Keep writing!

on Nov. 1 2012 at 11:54 am
joshua Curry BRONZE, Plaquemine, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
This is an incredible story

on Nov. 1 2012 at 11:54 am
joshua Curry BRONZE, Plaquemine, Louisiana
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
This is a great story youre a good story teller

on Nov. 1 2012 at 11:11 am
dotsonboy99 BRONZE, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
yolo

loved the story .and loved the flow  

Spook BRONZE said...
on Nov. 1 2012 at 4:58 am
Spook BRONZE, Frome, Other
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Breathtaking writing. The images are clear, each line perfectly placed, and the rhythms thumping and echoing. Just as poetry should be. Made my day - thanks for sharing. :)

on Oct. 29 2012 at 11:01 pm
pinmaster95 GOLD, Colorado Springs, Colorado
10 articles 0 photos 3 comments
this was very uniqe and i enjoyed it.

on Oct. 22 2012 at 9:21 pm
Sarah Crowley BRONZE, Greenlawn, New York
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Really cool idea to work with, your words flowed so effortlessly

on Oct. 22 2012 at 5:58 am
iimoeloveii GOLD, Augusta, Georgia
14 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
IF YOU CAN'T HANG THEN THERE'S THE DOOR-SLEEPING WITH SIRENS

i love that poem  

on Oct. 17 2012 at 12:11 pm
guillermo123 BRONZE, Kansas City, Missouri
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
hi

I liked that you used the word I, it gives the reader a better understanding of your personal experience.

on Oct. 17 2012 at 9:56 am
NoMercy666 BRONZE, Goose Creek, South Carolina
2 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It aint no sin to be glad you're alive." -Springsteen

Your poem has a nice idea but the rhyming factor limits it greatly. Avoiding end rhyme could probably help expand the point your poem is trying to make.