Some Scars don't Heal

June 15, 2011
By wespired GOLD, Circle Pines, Minnesota
wespired GOLD, Circle Pines, Minnesota
10 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"God has given me the ability, the rest is up to me, believe... believe... believe." -- Billy Mills (Ox Lake 2008)


I want to give everyone a little life story. To start lets give everybody a little background. I'm a runner who now goes to a big University and runs everyday striving for the dream to make it big as a Cross Country and distance track runner. I also want to get into a Dental school which I'm told it to far of a goal to reach even though I know I'm smart enough. I've faced adversity my whole life.
The scars that I speak of in the title deal with disrespect and bullies. I don't like the word bully because i feel like its cliche and overused so it diminishes the pain I feel by using it. I used to be overweight in middle school and I was very disrespected. I was probably the most spat on and made fun of in my school. I finally had a group which I ate lunch with everyday at school and just to make them treat me good for a few minutes I would buy them fries from the cafeteria. Well after a while it just turned into an abuse of my kindness. I was ridiculed and picked at everyday at the lunch table.

Well since Middle school, my next big step was high school which started slightly better. I had a huge brother who played football and so I instantly had a few older guys as friends. I also always wanted to play football but my mom was always afraid of injury so I was kept from the game until my first year of high school. Well stepping into my first day of practice i instantly thought i was going to be a linebacker and I also thought I could be really fast. Turns out I was dead slow and the humiliation caught flame. Even the coaches disrespected me on and off the field.

Well I practiced running every day and still i never measured up. One day while trying to become fast (So I could finally reach my goal to be linebacker) I squatted too much weight and tweaked my back into a pain so fierce that I couldn't even sleep right.

Well as expected my mom forced me to drop the only sport I thought was keeping me alive. I was in utter depression and felt like suicide. She told me I should join Cross Country. I thought "What the heck mom. You are ruining my life (which was already toast)" Well long story short I decided to join up because of a (also abused and disrespected) friend who convinced me it might light up my life.

In Cross Country I brought that same intensity and fierce attitude (which can only come from a guy whose always poked on but still has enough hope that he can prove them wrong) that I had in football into Cross Country. Well in the few months I spent in Cross Country I had lost over 50 lbs. and my 5 kilometer (about 3.2 miles) race time dropped from 24 minutes to running it in 18 minutes. That same year I was nominated and put through as a Cross Country and Distance Track captain. People though I was an inspiration and I had more friends than anyone could ask for, but still the scars remain.

I've definitely had a life turn around. My grades were at one time dropping to almost failing to instant 4.0 average just due to a change in body shape and love. Still some-day's I can't help but feel the same pain in my stomach when somebody treats me trashy or disrespectfully. I'm always glad for friends who knew what I dealt with from those early years to today and help me cope.
So here's to all those who suffer from old scars. We all understand and feel the same deep pain which cannot be erased. So keep moving on and live one step at a time knowing we're tougher than we would have been without the abuse.

The author's comments:
I'm not editing this piece. I wrote it straight from the heart and don't want to mess with it. I could make it very fluent and proper (possibly better) but today I opened the same old scars and don't want to look back to fix these mistakes. I hope it inspires a few if any.

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