Fallen Voices

August 23, 2010
By -LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence


Free Falling

Sometimes I’m skeptical
Of certain things
Just because of how they appear on the surface
No one can say they don’t entirely agree
It’s true I know
True for all of us
No matter how hard we try to hide what really is.
Whenever you blink
You’re loosing that hundredth of a second
When you could have been seeing the amazing things
sitting right in front of you.
And I think about these things
They play over and over in my head
Their melancholy rhymes dissolving anything else.
I tried to erase what used to be
But somehow;
Never
Will I forget
Who I first loved
And keep wondering why he never loved me.
My Lilies
Today I am trying my best
To move on and forget about him
I take petals off of a silver flower
And tear drops roll down my cheeks while I whisper
Each petal peels away
Silent and without question
So eerie is the nothing that I cannot bear to listen
Dropping petals against water
As smooth as glass
Tiny ringlets appear around where the petals have landed
And then fade
Back to a cold, clean mirror
I look at my face
It is grayed and forgotten
Begging to be made new
But I turn my face; I can no longer look
Leaving the stem unattended to
Alone in the sand
Alone
Alone like you left me.
Forget
I kneel to the ground
The grass hardened and brown
Shriveled from the cold wind
Rushing along and past it day after day
It prickles my feet
Which are bare but never blue
My face falls into my hands
still damp from the water of the lake and cold as they always are.
Still unable
To find any way to tell you or to explain
Ashamed am I
To have to hide my face
The face that smiled; the face that laughed
Along and with you
For that time when I thought everything would be okay
It was my entire fault
I let it pass without realizing it would never stay
Now it is long past gone
And so are my smiles,
My laughs my words
I want to be with you
But you must not want to be with me.


The author's comments:
these are only the first two pieces of this collection, entitled Because Of Me.

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This article has 18 comments.


on Nov. 4 2010 at 11:58 am
echome94 PLATINUM, Daleville, Virginia
32 articles 3 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
When the world around me ceases to exist and then i will open up and let a cruel man like you in


~Unknown~

Thank you, i try to use that style when i write love poems. I like to use emtaphors but im not very good with them. You said you have been to sad to write lately? Here is a trick i learned, whenyour sad write it down. Almost every single poem i've written is how i channel my feelings. I write at least two poems a day.

on Nov. 3 2010 at 7:14 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

thanks your writing style is very unique!!! im going to check out your poem and work on it some over the next week :)

on Nov. 3 2010 at 5:19 pm
echome94 PLATINUM, Daleville, Virginia
32 articles 3 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
When the world around me ceases to exist and then i will open up and let a cruel man like you in


~Unknown~

Start off with thinking about the way your chest tightened. Then think of how they made your heart beat. Describe the smell and how your mouth tasted when he hurt you. for example...

The bitter ocean stretche dout between us
The acid in my stomach becoming more potent
My chest once tight and red from excitement is now pale and blue
His dark gold eyes burn me where i stand
I will now leave him in search of a real man


on Nov. 3 2010 at 5:03 pm
echome94 PLATINUM, Daleville, Virginia
32 articles 3 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
When the world around me ceases to exist and then i will open up and let a cruel man like you in


~Unknown~

Try my poems Ex Lover or Ex Lovers Answer. They are similar to what you asked for.

on Nov. 3 2010 at 5:01 pm
echome94 PLATINUM, Daleville, Virginia
32 articles 3 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
When the world around me ceases to exist and then i will open up and let a cruel man like you in


~Unknown~

Try my poem ex lover or ex lovers answer. I also have one called i am tired

on Nov. 3 2010 at 3:45 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

thank you so much :) that is what the poem is focusing on. sorry i havent posted any recently been going through a LOT and ive just been sort of too sad to write lately. have any tips for writing a poem about finally being with someone youve liked for years but being afraid to tell anyone (like even your parents) about it and then him ditching you and u never talk again? sorry its a lot to ask its just been... difficult.

on Nov. 3 2010 at 2:38 pm
echome94 PLATINUM, Daleville, Virginia
32 articles 3 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
When the world around me ceases to exist and then i will open up and let a cruel man like you in


~Unknown~

I just read your poem and it is amazing. I wrote a shorter poem with a similar topic. It's called look my flower, mine is way shorter but its about a girl constantly hurt by the boy she loves, who unfortunatly doesnt love her back.

Phoenixx GOLD said...
on Sep. 21 2010 at 8:27 pm
Phoenixx GOLD, Toronto, Other
17 articles 0 photos 184 comments

haha, of course i would :D

 

 


on Sep. 21 2010 at 7:54 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

been working on a way to turn this poem into a verse written novel and sooo if you go on my page now and click on my other article its continued. nut reeaaallllly long its asking a lot to have you read it but if you find time please do i will b so thankful!

Phoenixx GOLD said...
on Sep. 20 2010 at 4:32 pm
Phoenixx GOLD, Toronto, Other
17 articles 0 photos 184 comments

Whoa! 6 things. Are they all poems :o

aha, thats a sweet thing to say :)

haha, books yay! ^^  Your being modest :p


on Sep. 19 2010 at 5:39 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

I ammm and i currently have about 6 things trying to get posted! Again you make me feel so bubbly inside with these compliments! Im just the shy book worm girl is all. You're great too!

Phoenixx GOLD said...
on Sep. 19 2010 at 5:31 pm
Phoenixx GOLD, Toronto, Other
17 articles 0 photos 184 comments

haha, anytime. Are you trying to get more stuff posted? I clicked onto your name to see some more of your stuff but it only showed this piece. You really should get some more stuff posted, its amazing :)

and thanks so much :D


on Sep. 19 2010 at 5:00 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

Thank you so much! It means a lot to me that you took time to read my work! Ill check out some of yours sometime! 

Phoenixx GOLD said...
on Sep. 19 2010 at 4:42 pm
Phoenixx GOLD, Toronto, Other
17 articles 0 photos 184 comments

"You’re loosing that hundredth of a second
When you could have been seeing the amazing things
sitting right in front of you."

Its interesting, it makes you think. it was my favorite part of the poem. Very nice work :D


on Sep. 17 2010 at 3:47 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

just posted a BUNCH of stuff today, hope to get it up soon! im also making a website for me and my friend to work on even though no one will evn=en see it haha we feel special :)

on Sep. 16 2010 at 8:18 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

YAY i feel specail  :)  I know, I applied for the website specifically to get feedback.  i can't wait to see more of your work!

on Sep. 12 2010 at 7:01 pm
-LeftBehindBroken- GOLD, Providence, South Carolina
16 articles 0 photos 73 comments

Favorite Quote:
Artists paint on canvas; Musicians paint on silence

thank you sooo much you know thats the whole rreason i joined this website i just WANT people to help me out and tell me what is wrong. i will apply your ideas! fyi you are the first persn that has ever commented on any of my work!!!! AIIIIy!!!

on Sep. 12 2010 at 6:46 pm
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

when you are reading it, it seems so nice, and descriptive.  but when i stopped reading, all i got was this sense that the girl wanted ot get back with the boy that dumped her... could add some juice to that? maybe some background stuff?  instead of just: "laughing" maybe say something that they loved to do together? let the reader feel more of how wonderful the relationship felt to the girl (it is a girl, right?) and separating stanzas would be nice too. but this was really good, the details are sweet, and this definetly could work out as a narrative poem! excited to see more!

and i would also love it if you could take a look at some of my work. thanks!



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