Overwhelming Blue

March 18, 2010
I plaster a smile onto my face,
Hope people believe that its real.
I laugh when everyone else does,
Whether or not I really feel.

I try to go back, to remember the day,

When acting wasn't necessary at all -

But trying to recall nonexistent memories

Only trips me up and pushes me to fall.

My friends describe me as friendly.
Vibrant. Funny. Smart.
But would they describe me the same
If they knew none of it was from the heart?

I WANT to be the girl they know.

Carefree. Witty. Wise.

But here I am, stuck in the dark

Only clinging to my disguise.

I give the best advice, some say
And always say the right things.
But would they truly care to hear
The thoughts that throb and sting?

I try to fight the emotion-filled thoughts,

Try to ignore the anger and pain.

And yet, at the very same time I desperately grip

The thoughts that lead me from sane.

They swear I'm a great singer,
And people stop in awe to hear my voice -
But would they stay and listen if they knew
The feelings behind the noise?

Feelings overflow and make my voice strong

An outlet for the emotion I never show.

The happy song I sing just a brick

In the wall, in the front that they know.

I'm sometimes called pretty,
For my hair or eyes or clothes.
But is that the word they'd choose to use
If they knew me and stood too close?

I'm judged the same as everyone else,

By the Image many work to perfect.

But while they smile and fake and primp,

I'm striving for internal respect.

A new girl who could pass as my twin moves in;
People look twice to be sure of who they see -
But is she like the girl they know,
Or is she just like me?

She's personable and sings and offers good tips,
And couldn't seem more sincere -
But does she hide and just pretend,
Or are her feelings true and clear?

Some joke and call her my replacement,
And I wonder if they could possibly know
How desperately I often wish
I felt all the feelings I show.

My friends slowly slip away
Spending more and more time with her.
The girl who is truly who she claims to be -
A great picture without all the blur.

As I drift off alone with my fake feelings and thoughts
I'm curious as to how they'd act if they knew -
I wonder if I'd let my true feelings show,
Would I still be choked by this Overwhelming Blue?

I no longer have an audience,
So I don't waste time on an act.
I submit to the wave of dark blue pain
That has rapidly faded to black.

Join the Discussion

This article has 13 comments. Post your own now!

DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 11, 2010 at 7:25 pm
meaning is deep, but... i jsut didt feel a rythm in the poem. 
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 9:58 am
Alright. I'll work with it - Thanks for the comment!
Lovebug07 said...
Jul. 23, 2010 at 4:18 pm
WOW great job!!!! Very well written. I can totally relate to it to... Great job!!! Keep it up your very talented.
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 9:58 am
Thanks so much!
Rain777 said...
Jul. 11, 2010 at 2:12 pm
Inspiring! Goodness,,i LOVE you!
mrsabbyjonas13 said...
Jul. 7, 2010 at 6:12 pm
This is, by far, one of my favorite pieces on Teen Ink. Your word choice flows beautifully and I think you have a serious talent. This poem is so relateable--I thought exactly of myself while reading it and felt ashamed, but relieved that someone else was in the same boat. Keep up the great work and please check out some of mine! (:
ellyn-bo-bellyn_2014 said...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm
I really like how you broke it up, too. Really nice work.
GangstaEyes This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 1, 2010 at 8:53 am
Thanks a ton for all the comments - sorry about the format - the computer kind of messed it up..
A friend from mexia said...
Jun. 10, 2010 at 9:46 pm
I'm glad you wrote this. I've known you since the beginning of 6th grade and i consider you a really good friend. Ur an amazing writer and i hope you continue. Your poems speak to a lot of people that feel that same way. Like me
olican said...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 5:34 pm

omg!!!! i always new u were a good writer but never thought u could b so deep!!!!!i lv u adn ur gangstaeyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lov ya al


Heath213 said...
Jun. 5, 2010 at 11:57 am
wonderful! this was really inspiring! it completely describes some of the things ive been going through in my life
ellyn-bo-bellyn_2014 said...
May 6, 2010 at 1:26 pm
oh my gosh!!!! i love it! keep it up sis!!!!!!!!!!! gangsta eyes! love ya!
Forgotten replied...
May 10, 2010 at 6:20 pm
i agree. this was really well written and the words flowed beautifully. nice work, GangstaEyes.
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