kaiden ray muna

November 14, 2008
By kealoha muna, Merizo, ZZ

He's the greatest thing that happened to me,
the love of my life he'll always be,
you could see it in his eyes how hard he concentrated,
to look right at you it seemed so complicated,
he's such a handsome baby,
the pain he was incountering drove me crazy,
i get discharged you have to stay,
i whisper to you softly mommy and daddy are going to try and visit everyday,
you can't come home with us, not just yet,
this amazing gift frm god i swear not to regret,
visitations come and go from time to time,
praying to god and telling myself that everything is going to be fine,
your so active, your tiny fingers constently slamming the incubator,
causing emergency blood transfusions mommy promises to come back later,
the visiting continues for about for weeks,
your nurse constantly reminds me that your unstable, your very weak,
days go by as if they were hours, i don't know what to feel,
can this really be happening, is this real?
day after day his condition only gets worse,
infection in his blood and kidney failure is exactly what i hear from the nurse,
she continues explaining what i should expect,
manting to malk away not wanting to accept,
here comes the first day of school,
i'm called out of class because i'm wanted at the hospital,
on our way up,i'm crying, and quietly gasping for air,
this pain and emptiness in my heart i almost can't bare,
i'm finally there i'm in the nursery,
my heart is hurting so bad, for a couple of seconds things get blurry,
i look at the machines that are connected to your body,
doctor de castro rubs my back and says he's truely sorry,
i touched your left leg, it was shivering cold,
i'm yelling in my mind 'PLEASE KAIDEN DON'T PLEASE DON'T GO",
the doctor made it clear,"IT'S TIME TO UNPLUG THE MACHINE",
i figured out right away, things aren't the way you want it to be,
me,you and daddy,the happiest family,just us three,
but little do i know things aren't the way they seem,
now it's 10:11 (am) they put you in my arms and i softly begin to say,
if there were only one thing to wish for it'll be for you to stay,
i'll never forget you and i love you so much,
mommy won't forget your sweet lovable touch,
your tiny small fingers gripped onto mine,
i promise you kaiden i'll be thingking of you all the time,
i'm gonneh make a good life for myself,i'm gonnah get my life straight,
mommys gonnah make it mommys gonnah graduate,
the doctor kneels in front of me and listens to your heart,
all this pressure and numbness, is starts to freak me out,
it's now 10:17 (am) and the doctor softly says to me,
i'm sorry miss muna, kaidens in the happiest place to be,
that ear to ear smile that you left on your face,
my memories of you noone can replace,
your getting cleaned up and i softly say,
don't worry kaiden mommys gonnah love you more and more each day,
please don't forget how much mommy really loves you,
when it's my time to go mommy will be with you soon,
cuont on it, i'm gonnah be with you and make up the time i've missed,
to watch you grow and create times we'll happily reminise.

The author's comments:
my name is kealoha muna and i'm from guam. this poem is about the most tragic time in my life. i was 5 months pregnant on july.6.2006 when i had a c-section. i gave birth to the most wonderful gift that anyone could ask for. i honestly miss him with everything that i have.

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