March 25, 2008
By Jacy-Anne Cesar, Rancho Cordova, CA

At one time in my life I had been good
Never straying from what was right
But I slipped and tasted
Blood of the manipulative darkness
And I embraced it with open arms
Never recognizing that soon my words
Would be sharp and stolid
But I would wordlessly wreck all lives
That stumbled in my way
And yet -
Many don't realize what it's like to fall
So fast and oh so far
To understand all the despair that surrounds
As you venture into a territory too vast
And when you finally do know what happened
It's far too late; you're already in too deep
All the good that once engulfed you - pulsed through your veins -
Has vanished beneath the endless gloom
That is now in full reign
There's nothing left to do but give in
It's no use to try to stop now
Maybe it didn't matter in the first place
But now all is at stake
I didn’t desire for things to work out this way
The iciness that nips at my soul
It wasn't planned; honestly I wish it would go away
But the feeling is addicting and I fear
It has weaved into the depths of my cold heart
And I swear, oh, nothing I do can make it stop
The light that guided me the whole journey
Has dispersed as I am led astray
I can no longer distinguish right from wrong
The only thing I feel is ice
Eating away at me
Transforming me into someone I'd hate to be
The rejection was indeed the worst part
Seeing others react to what I've become
But even they can't change who I am today
I can see it all in your effervescent eyes
What has happened to me is just a disguise
I don't want you to ever catch on
Because once you do, you'll know
That I've spun a sticky silvery web
And you're stuck in it like a helpless fly
Thinking I'll devour you in one quick bite
Until you are just as I am
Bitter to the innermost core
Perhaps someone can change me back to who I was
But every attempt is dying and I am afraid
It is fruitless to think of even trying
Eventually it will pass away
Just as a blossom frees itself from its mother tree
Or so I hope
Since sometimes everything just stays the same
And yet -
Here I am, waiting for a new day
A radiant orange sunrise
And a soft breeze
To touch the dark empty soul of mine
But I won't want much longer
Because I am running out of time

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