You Are Gone

May 24, 2009
By KatieJean GOLD, Dunkirk, New York
KatieJean GOLD, Dunkirk, New York
10 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I’ve got so much to say here.
Don’t know where to begin.
But I’m trying to find answers.
In a game I can’t win.

And it’s all because of you.

Because you left.

Because you’re gone.
Do you miss me? Do you hear me? Do you see me?

Where are you?

And now I feel.

(Can you still feel?)
The emotion that I tried to ignore.
I was empty, cold, numb, a closed door.
I wanted to run, to fly to the corners of my mind, fill me with lies, I’ll forget your goodbye. Sarcasm and bitterness, take away the pain, a defense mechanism with so much to gain.
I didn’t feel for awhile .
But I could feel.

(Do you feel where you are?)

But I’m still bitter. I’m angry.
Do you get it? I hate you.
No, I don’t understand.

No, it’s not okay.

No, I can’t move on.
Just move on?
You are gone.
But I learn, and I live, and I laugh.
Smiles and Sunshine.
Rainbows and Waterfalls.
Drown me in your ecstasy and I will be free.

Am I still me?

You changed me.

I am guilty

of a crime

so unbearable.

I am forgetting you.

(Didn’t you forget me?)
I am not forgetting you.
I am hurt. Broken. Lost. Shatter my heart and step on the shards.

Your reason was legit?
Well then, best regards.

I have questions.
But I am trying to find answers.
In a game I can’t win.

If I win, what’s the prize?
Will you look me in the eyes?
Not a surprise.

You are gone.

All because of you.

I am left here.

(Where you confused?)
And I am afraid.
I take the blame.

Why couldn’t I stop it? Why couldn’t I see? Why didn’t I know? What if I was this, or that, or here, or there?

Would you have cared?

Can I forget? But should I forget?
Smile and forget.

The smiles only last so long.

But I am loved.
And I have help.

The help scares me.
Because why should I

bother other people

when this is about

And I am confused.

Because I am trying to find answers.
In a game I can’t win.
And I am angry, and I am hurt, with a would that never heals.
I am lost, broken down.

This is all too real.
I’m in a never ending cycle that keeps spinning around.
Scream until my throat bleeds.

You do not hear the sound.

You are gone.

Now roll out the credits, the screen’s turning black.
Except this

A movie.

So I have no happy endings, no cute little cliché.
“Because of you I learned to appreciate each and every day”

Yeah, okay.

And as much as I miss you,
I give you these lines.
To try to get past you,
And your stupid goodbye.

I am trying to find answers.
In a game I’ll never win.

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