A Combination of Colors

May 1, 2012
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I believe in being myself. God sculpted my mind, soul, and heart the way He did for a reason. It was not an accident when He made me overly optimistic or adventurous; there is no doubt I am who I am meant to be and He will use my uniqueness to glorify Him.
As a young girl, I always favored the boys with their vibrant grass green and sky blue personalities that matched my own. I didn’t like the attitudes of the girls, nor did I like altering my words to appear feminine. I was tough; I knew how to throw a football, build a fort, and win a spitting contest. I was also free to be me, and I felt accepted by them, without alteration. One day though, a little boy labeled me “tomboy.” My comfort fled as the embarrassment rushed in; the freedom I embraced every day became disgust towards an unladylike creature who needed a lesson in behavior. I changed myself.
For many years, I struggled to be a proper girl--to look lovely, speak quietly, and appear terrified of dirt. I abandoned my group of friends and ventured to find the “pinks” and “purples” in the world, the girls who would teach me how I ought to act. Parts of my new lifestyle seemed to uncover new colors within myself; I learned the meaning of respect, generosity, and unconditional compassion. But, parts of my character felt silenced. In time, I began to feel lifeless, as though I were in a never-ending child’s game of dress up. I smiled politely, but I felt true excitement waited for me elsewhere.
In my early teen years, I found myself again. I remembered how it felt to stain my knees green as I wrestled my brother in the grass, have a burst of energy as I raced my friends on the soccer field, and have laughter overcome me after an active day under the sun. I remembered who I was.
From that point on I began to find balance, one of pink and blue, girl and boy, emotion and action. I no longer fear appearing unladylike. I do what makes me feel alive, and embrace the rush when I play soccer in the mud, and the warmth I feel when I deeply connect with others.
I owe it to God, to myself, and to those who will learn from me to be completely and only myself. To God, I owe gratitude and respect. Any hatred I have toward a gift God gave me is foolish. To myself, I owe persistence in retaining this lesson and building on it so I may better myself and better reflect God. To my future children, I owe the best version of myself.
I believe in optimism; I believe in adventure; I believe in faith; but, above all, I believe in exhibiting these beliefs through my actions, through my personality, and through my behavior. I believe in being me.

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