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Bleak White

Erecura
Bleak White
Summary: Lina wakes up in a hospital with no memory of how she got there. In fact, with no memory at all of past events. As the hospital searches for her family, she dreams the same dream every night. Obsessed with finding an answer, her search leads her to a boy who may or may not have to answer, and a secret that could mean certain death.





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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

CarrieAnn13 said...
Oct. 25, 2011 at 8:51 pm

Wow, this plot is definitely intriguing.  I just have a few minor criticisms:

1.  Your pace is a bit fast.  I would really like for things to slow down a tiny bit (even though this is a thriller/mystery novel).

2.  More description.  This kind of goes with the pacing and a little more description will help readers feel like they're in the novel more.

 

Other than that, excellent work!

 
Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Oct. 9, 2011 at 6:19 pm
I am absolutely loving this story It's nicely detailed and has an edge of mystery to it. I really like your characters , but there are some minor mistakes you can work on in your piece. It flows relatively well , and I can't wait until you write more. Great work , this is getting a five!
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 4:37 am
Wow! I really like this story! I'm really intrigued by the plot. Please keep writing! I'd love to see more! And I just had a few comments--I feel like you could expand this. The writing is excellent so far, but the story goes by really quickly. Maybe slow it down, add a few more descriptions... Other than that, this is great! :)
 
leafy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 14, 2011 at 12:14 pm
I like it so far! But it seems to me that it could just be a longer short story, or the first chapter of something, since each of the flashbacks/flash forwards are a bit short. But I like how you did the "flashes," and the plot is very unique. 5/5 can't wait for more!
 

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