The Protector

May 15, 2012
By Amanda Hillesheim, Comfrey, Minnesota
Amanda Hillesheim, Comfrey, Minnesota
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Riley finds out that she is adopted and the daughter of the greek Goddess Artimis. If her day could get any worse she finds out that she needs to stop the evil God Loki from destroying the world.

Amanda H.

The Protector

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This book has 2 comments.

S.E.Beiler said...
on Sep. 19 2017 at 8:03 pm
S.E.Beiler, Rexville, New York
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
This was a good story, I really thought the plot was a good idea. But I do have some suggestions: The relationship between Jace and Riley is super rushed. I get it, this is a short story, but at least have some time elapse, it just seemed so quick. You mention a snake that kept following her, later we find out that it is likely this is Loki in a shape shifting form, but so what? Nothing comes out of it and it just was a little confusing. Introducing Artemis was really quick and we didn't get to see what kind of character she really was. Also, Riley acts with a lot of attitude to her when I think the situation calls for shock. Sprinkled throughout where some typos and reptitive words that could easily be cleared up. In the cave scene I still don't know how Jace got there, or how he has a sword. At the end, Riley is distraught over killing Loki but Artemis consoles her by saying he won't escape from jail again, but after Riley is still in shock over killing someone. Also, I don't know how I feel about mixing Greek and Norse gods. I definetely think you should have brought in some more gods to make it feel more naturally, especially Norse, since Zeus was mentioned. And that's all! I do really think this would make a great longer story. Keep writing!

on May. 24 2012 at 5:04 am
BekahBekah BRONZE, Xian, Other
3 articles 0 photos 21 comments
Mmm.. I liked the main idea, though, how Riley was actually Artemis's daughter and stuff.. I think you should edit and lengthen it and actually make it into an actual story or a book, even. :) 

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