Facebook Activity



Teen Ink on Twitter

Report abuse Submit my work Share/bookmark Email Print Home

Pure Hearted

Alexa J.
Pure Hearted
Summary:

Lila's life takes a drastic turn when she comes into abilities she never knew existed.







Join the Discussion

This book has 6 comments. Post your own now!

valkyrie1212This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 9 at 9:42 pm
Chapter 3: 'my mind wondered' should be 'my mind wandered'. There are also a few commas missing in this one. Make sure you skip a line every time a new person is speaking - there's a part in this chapter and one of the first two chapters where you didn't do that. Other than that, this was pretty cool! Can't wait to see what happens next :)
 
KittyKoala replied...
Jun. 9 at 10:08 pm
Thank you o much for your feedback, you've been very helpful! :)
 
valkyrie1212This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 9 at 9:36 pm
Chapter 2: love the ending! It made me want to read more. With the pacing, I feel it's a little too fast once again. Try adding more imagery - what does Lila look like? What are some of her unique traits eg her fashion sense, her actions (maybe she always fumbles with her clothes etc). This will help give readers a mental image of Lila and help with pacing. Also, are you trying to address the reader with this story? Sometimes, in this chapter and the first one, you seem to do so. For example, in... (more »)
 
valkyrie1212This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 9 at 9:24 pm
Cool idea, and cool start! Here are a few things to look out for: firstly, there are a few spelling and grammatical errors. For example, 'eying' shoud be 'eyeing', and 'aloud' should be 'allowed'. You've also missed a few commas here and there. Secondly, with the actual story itself, it reads a little awkwardly. I think the pacing and characterisation needs a bit more work...it seems a bit rushed and readers don't really know the character. Maybe try adding the last part where you're talking abo... (more »)
 
valkyrie1212This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 9 at 9:26 pm
This comment is about Chapter 1 btw...I didn't realise comments on each separate chapter would show up on every other chapter, if that made sense :)
 
KittyKoala replied...
Jun. 9 at 10:09 pm
That's Weird :/
 

Launch Teen Ink Chat
Site Feedback