Chipped

January 21, 2014
By DaisyLetItGo, Mill Creek, Washington
DaisyLetItGo, Mill Creek, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Summary:

Kelcie Day has a normal life, until she is taken by the government and forced to do things she never wanted to do. Kelcie is forced to take a micro-chip that will completely control her mind.


DaisyLetItGo

Chipped


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This book has 2 comments.


DaisyLetItGo said...
on Jan. 29 2014 at 6:19 pm
DaisyLetItGo, Mill Creek, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment
Thank you for the feedback! I will definetly be working on it. What do you suggest to add to the story? I know the story is short. I had to cut down a lot becuase it was a school assingment and I know my teacher wouldn't want to read a novel...... Thanks again! 

Madie2k BRONZE said...
on Jan. 28 2014 at 7:24 pm
Madie2k BRONZE, Topeka, Kansas
2 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't the best of them bleed it out. While the rest of them Peter out." -Foo Fighters

I want to start off by saying I loved your story and I thought it was very creative but if I may, I want to give you a few pointers. At the beginnig of the story you switched from 1st to 2nd person and I got a bit confused, and I also I got lost between paragraphs, but all you need to do to fix that is to seperate the paragraphs when it is going into another perspective. Finally, I saw a few grammatical errors but that was it. I think you could expand your story by adding to the time she had the chip inside of her ect. But overall I thought you wrote a great story! Keep posting!


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