Our Deepest Fear

April 15, 2011
By Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.


Summary:

When Micaela enters Crescent Middle School as a new student mid-year, she hopes she'll make some amazing friends, but she soon realizes that some kids don't accept her for who she is--Mexican. Her peers, especially Brandy, are always making fun of her and Selena--another Mexican girl-- in class. But when Micaela finds out what's going on with Brandy outside the classroom, she's shocked. Soon, everything is going to change.

Tags: Family


Natasha H.

Our Deepest Fear


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This book has 10 comments.


on Jun. 15 2011 at 2:58 pm
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.

haha its ok.  im not a stalker!  but i can delete the comment if you want..

on Jun. 14 2011 at 11:30 pm
Dancing2222 GOLD, Sandy, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."
"Imagination is more important that knowledge" -Albert Einstein
"Don't ever frown, you never know who's going to fall in love with your smile."

Ya. Now that I think about it I probably shouldn't have mentioned where I go to school. Oh well! Too late now!

on Jun. 10 2011 at 11:08 pm
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.

omg that is weird! i totally just made up that name, didn't know it was really a school. haha wow!

on Jun. 10 2011 at 5:02 pm
Dancing2222 GOLD, Sandy, Utah
10 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be yourself, everyone else is taken."
"Imagination is more important that knowledge" -Albert Einstein
"Don't ever frown, you never know who's going to fall in love with your smile."

This is weird. I go to Crescent Middle School! Stop stalking me! Haha jk funny coincidence:)

on May. 8 2011 at 7:39 pm
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Thanks so much for reading the whole thing! I know that must have taken a while!

Yeah, I've noticed everyone is saying it was rushed.  See, when I first submitted this to Teenkink, it was a short story, but they said I either had to make it longer or shorter.  I couldn't really find a way to condense it, so I expanded it.  Maybe I shouldn't have done that...

Thanks again though!  What work of yours do you want me to check out?  I owe you!

 


on May. 8 2011 at 7:00 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

Hi Natasha :) yes i read all 8 chapters of your novel. i liked your choice of names very much and this story really shares the message you're trying to spread-----but it might be too short to be a novel. It WOULD make a GREAT short story though (and those are just as good as novels!!) Also the pace of this story was too fast for me, i barely recognized time passing by. You should do something about that. In the books i read, the words go like this

(scene in the afternoon)

****** ----this symbol thingie shows that time passed by into the next scene. It prevents confusion, also marking the end of a scene. Just some advice you dont have to take if you dont want to.

so it'd go like this.....

(afternoon scene)

****

(another scene in the same day, this one hours later from the last scene you just read)

Umm........did i word that the right way?


on Apr. 29 2011 at 12:25 pm
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Thanks!  Can you give me example of when you can't tell who's saying what?  I'll try to fix that.  And sorry I haven't been on in so long, I'm gonna go check out your story right now :)

on Apr. 29 2011 at 12:23 pm
Amor-Y-Palabras SILVER, Springfield, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We must use the weapon of love. We must realize that so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate." -Martin Luther King Jr.

Yeah, when I first submitted it, TEEN INK didn't except it because it was only 800 words.  So, I made it longer (and more complex).

on Apr. 27 2011 at 2:10 pm
Timekeeper DIAMOND, Cary, North Carolina
62 articles 0 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over a garbage can and says 'That's Punk'?, and I say 'No that's trendy'!"- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

The chapters became increasingly shorter, and the dialogue could use some more details. There's a lot of "replied" and "said" in there, and like AddictedtoWriting said it would be easy to go back and make some word choice changes and fix up some of the grammar.

But as far as the content goes, I liked it. It wasn't overly complex, but it didn't need to be.  You knew what story you wanted to tell, and you did it.

Please check out my novel SuperNOVA on the front page of the novels section and leave your thoughts on it. Thanks :)


on Apr. 26 2011 at 11:01 pm
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writer's Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike." -- Anonomous
"A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."--Thomas Mann

Hmmm...this was a little rushed.  I had a hard time keeping track of who was saying what and when.

I also found the switch to detention far too jumpy.  If nothing else, you NEED to have a scene break.

Brandy's slip about her mom was also a little too...easy.  If she truly had issues, she would not be slipping that easily.

 

Um...that's about it.  Reguardless of all the critiques this comment is full of, I like your writing style.  Good job!





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