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Being Part of a Multiple
Dr. Johansson suggested I write each day but I haven't wrote anything for two weeks. I didn't even plan to until Mom told me that she didn't want me seeing him anymore. So, now having no psychologist to turn to twice a week I must turn to paper and write all that I can in hopes to solve my problems by myself. I will begin by explaining who I am. All problems begin at the beginning.
I come from two loving parents who met and instantly fell in love. My Mom is an artist and spends her free time painting using unique objects as her utensils. My Dad was unemployed when he died. He had taken to drinking and wrecked his truck around a tree and died instantly. I would say I'm still sad about it but my Dad isn't a man you could say I was very close to.
I have to go now it's time for dinner.
Journal #2 8/17/13
So far the school year stinks! I got into a fight with Nicole because occasionally I liked to dress up and now she's snippy that I'm expanding my friends. This year is so tough.
Journal #3 9/1/13
It's been so long since I've written. I have been really good lately, but today I felt I had to write. I was sitting in Spanish and I had my first anxiety attack in almost 3 months. Here's what happened:
"Excuse me, Ms. Gonzalez? May I be excused," I asked quietly.
"No entiendo. Sòlo hablo español. Lo siento," She said in Spanish.
I groaned remembering her only Spanish rule trying to remember how to ask to be excused.
"¿Baño por favor?"
She nodded as I bolted out of the door. I just shut the door when I felt my body jerk signaling the beginning of an anxiety attack. I tried to walk when I felt my body slam to the floor with me barely having time to react I caught myself and curled into a ball by the door. I started shaking and tried to remember my breathing as I started breathing faster and faster. My vision became warped and blurry so I quickly shut them becoming trapped inside my mind. I slowly rocked side to side. Somewhere along the lines of rocking I bit my tongue and started crying. Occasionally my eyes would jerk open afraid of the unseen but I'd only become afraid again and close them tighter.
"Anya," I heard a voice say from beside me.
I brought my eyes open and quickly wrapped my arms around me digging my nails into my arm nearly drawing blood.
I narrowed my eyes trying to focus on where I knew the boy from. We had a few classes together but I couldn't remember him instantly. He offered a kind smile to me and brought his arms around me bringing tears to my eyes again. I was grateful for his kind gesture yet terrified and instantly wanted out of my skin. I clawed deeper and my breathing got sharper and then I heard it.
The boy started to hum. It was quietly at first then got a little louder. I turned my eyes to him and tried to focus on his soothing voice. I closed my eyes listening to him and felt my body shudder signaling the attack was nearly over.
"Are you okay now," He asked me.
I could only nod now. He stood up and offered me his hand to help me stand up. I took a deep breath and took his hand jumping at his warm touch that sent a spark threw me.
"Sorry," He quickly apologized realizing the shock that went through us.
I cracked a tiny smile as he helped me back to class and to my desk.
"Thank you," I whispered still shaken by the attack.
He nodded then left.
I still don't remember his name but I'm grateful he was there when I needed him. Even Ky wasn't there during my anxiety attacks and even if he was he usually just left me alone. Who was this guy and why did he help me?