Make Waves

May 14, 2012
By StupidAndFearless BRONZE, Owls Head, Maine
StupidAndFearless BRONZE, Owls Head, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So paint me jealous, paint me rage, for god's sake paint me anything."

"You're not being fair!"
"Fares are for tourists, kid."

"Do something remarkable."


Summary:

The biggest fear in America has gone from heights and death, to the ocean. Somethings gone wrong, towns are getting wiped off the map, and people are getting killed. Josephine, a lone, strong 18 year old, sets out to take photographs of the disaster zones for the government. Her problem? Waves that are getting closer, and her partner for the trip that she loves to hate.


Faith B.

Make Waves


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This book has 2 comments.


on May. 18 2012 at 5:54 pm
StupidAndFearless BRONZE, Owls Head, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"So paint me jealous, paint me rage, for god's sake paint me anything."

"You're not being fair!"
"Fares are for tourists, kid."

"Do something remarkable."

I agree 100% on the sirens thing you noticed. I had to write a ten paged story for creative writing class, and I had to cut the scene following it out (That involves more sirens). Thank you very much for the review. :) I'll look over those awkward lines! Thanks a lot!

Lacer GOLD said...
on May. 18 2012 at 4:15 pm
Lacer GOLD, Highland Village, Texas
19 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
The thing about philosophy is that it often runs dry when thought of so shallowly.

I'm sorry to not be able to read on after page 2, but I'm afraid I have another duty calling me.

You're suspense is perfect. You make your  reader want to know what's happening. Your introductory scenes are concise, but not too short as to cut off a reader from valuable information. If the transition on the first page is vague, surround it with either hyphens or asteriks, something to distinguish it, as it was really vague.

I feel like I understand what the character is facing currently, and her struggles, but I'm still a little vague on who she really is and how she's dealing with those struggles. Keep in mind I'm on page 2, but maybe I could have a little more insight on the first paragraph. There, it seems like she's enthusiastic to get a job, but scared. She knows there are risks and she's willing to take them, and I want to know why, which is actually a great way to draw in your reader. I feel like you have both a character and a purpose in mind.

Some of your sentences are weird, for example, on page two when you say there is a siren, no doubtedly an ambulance...
Unless you plan on building that there are multiple uses for sirens in that town (flood warnings, the siren on Silent Hill, other weather drills), otherwise, its just a meaningless detail. 

I'm put off by how the sentence describing the character's feeling that her sister is trying to say something else, its my gut feeling asking that it be reworded, its just uncomfortable to me. I don't like using similes to describe an action, but that's my personal preference. If you reread it, and agree, that's your business. 

I plan to read on and be more helpful in finding some more prominent errors, but until then, your srength is your suspense and your focus, which are great parts of the style.



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