Fate Will Prevail | Teen Ink

Fate Will Prevail

November 22, 2011
By AznFriesF5 BRONZE, Manhasset, New York
AznFriesF5 BRONZE, Manhasset, New York
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Summary:

Dray and Deity are investigating a haunted house. They encounter a girl who they used to know. Strange thing is, she hasn't aged a bit. She chases the two protagonists out of the house, warping them into the post apocalyptic Earth.


AznFriesF5

Fate Will Prevail


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on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:56 pm
applesauceHater SILVER, Nikolaevsk, Alaska
8 articles 0 photos 124 comments
 You're ideas are really good. Just some lack of descriptions got to me. Like how you flat out told it was a magical world, you can write hints and descritions for us readers to finally guess that it was a majical world. Add descrition in some areas to add intensity. But other than that, I loved it!Love magic! Ending was sad, but still good. Hope you continue your writing. If you have a chance, check out something of mine, I will be much obliged.