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Where The Mind Ends

Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 Next »


“Iggy…Iggy…IGGY!” mom yelled, “Time to get up.”
“I’ll be right down.” I said hoping for a moment of peace.
“Get ready, the bus comes in ten minutes.” That brought me to my senses. I stumbled out of bed and groggily walked to my dresser, pulled out some clothes and got dressed. Then I walked to the bathroom and brushed my teeth.
I had five minutes left.
I ran down the stairs and walked out the door and sprinted down my street. When I finally reached my bus stop, the bus wasn’t there. I waited a few minutes just to make sure the bus wasn’t late, but it never came.
Because the bus didn’t come, I jogged home to ask my mom for a lift to school. As I peered into the house I called,
“I missed the bus, can I have a lift?” No one answered.
“Hello? Is anybody ther-“
Two giant hands clamped onto my throat. Whoever was choking me wanted me gone for good. I elbowed the man in the gut and fought my way out of the chokehold. He charged at me, the house shaking as his feet made contact with the ground. I swung my leg low to attempt to trip him but he had saw it coming. He grabbed my leg, pulled my across the floor, and then he raised his fist.
“Bye” Is the last word I heard.
The world just spun like a top. Everything blurred. My vision faded. I blacked out.

I woke up in a haze. “Where am I?” I thought. I was in a small room. There were faded tiles on the floor. And a metal toilet bolted to the wall. An abomination of a steel door. An old ceramic sink and a cot, which I was sitting on. For some reason I wasn’t worried about where I am, I am only surprised. I’m still a little drowsy, so I got up to walked to the sink. The cot produced a shrill creak, but that didn’t bother me the least. I made it to the sink Jell-O-legged, and told myself who I was.
“My name is Iggy. I live in Salem, Massachusetts. I am 16 years old. My mother is gone. My father is gone. I have been taken away from home.
Somebody wants me.
Somebody found me.
I am alone.
Who are they?
Why do they want me?
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 Next »

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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

applesauceHater said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 5:26 pm
OMGEEEH!endings intense! One thing is that you should write a little more emotion and feelings. Like on the first page, you should say how he felt and how it hurt as he gasped for air when he was being choked. Or when he found out that guy was his father. You should have wrote how he was hurt, or confused, anger. Did he have mixed emotions. Did he feel anything towards the mom because of this? Or when he was strapped to the table in the second page, was he scared, nervous?But other than that(hop... (more »)
PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 1:25 pm
Thank you for the review. I am currently working on a follow up book for this series. I can't wait until I finish. Oh and BTW, I dont mind reading you work
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

This story was good, but there are a LOT of ways you could've improved it. The plot seemed weak, and you didn't describe the mother telling everything to Iggy, so him learning about his powers kind of seemed like a minor event in the story compared to him renting a motel room. 

You also should've described what the characters looked like, and used higher vocabulary. The whole story seemed to go by really quickly, and it's because you didn't really take the time to describe your en... (more »)

PolkaPete replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 1:24 pm
BTW you wote the same thing twice but im only in 7th grade so im still working on it.

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