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The Legend of the Batbark Woods

Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS! I'd really like your opinion! If you like this book, that's great! When I...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: PLEASE READ THIS! I'd really like your opinion!

If you like this book, that's great! When I wrote this, everyone said it was really good.

But now I'm starting to wonder about it. It's at a sixth grade writing level and I'm starting to think I should rewrite it in a better way. If you've read Infinity and seen its writing style, you know what I mean.

This book will still have the same characters and some of the same events when it's rewritten. Most of it will probably be the same.

So tell me what you think. SHOULD I REWRITE THIS BOOK?  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 21 Next »

The Dark Tunnel

Later that day, Miles and Katrina walked out of the grand school doors and began their long walk home. There were dark clouds coming in, and Miles knew that he and Randall had been wrong about the weather. He knew it was going to pour on them.
“So…how was your day?” Katrina asked Miles.
“Kind of boring…we had this new unit in homeroom today. It’s called Young Adult Literature…but they don’t provide us with good, fast-paced, adventure books like Peak, or Percy Jackson, or the Legend of the Batbark Woods. They give us folk tales and legends and stuff like that. Then we have to answer these stupid questions about the stories.” Miles explained.
“My day was…well…typical. Everyday stuff… same old, same old…the only thing new that happened today was that we got a substitute teacher…and that sort of is typical…”
“Well, it looks like the walk home won’t be typical. It looks like it’s going to pour on us.”
Katrina looked up at the dark clouds building up. But there was more to the abnormal homeward walk than just the storm clouds. Miles and Katrina had no idea what they were about to plunge into on the way home.
As Miles and Katrina walked on, they were growing more and more cautious about the weather. It didn’t rain on them for a long time, but they were still very, very cautious. The storm was showing rotation, and they didn’t want to be caught up in it on the way home.
On their way to their house, they saw Mr. Reed and Mr. Rivarez, two of Miles’s dad’s best friends. They talked to Mr. Rivarez a little bit before continuing with their walk.
“I heard there’s quite a bad storm comin’ through Misty River. It’s been tornado-warned!” Mr. Rivarez exclaimed.
“What?” Miles asked. Katrina’s eyes widened with fear.
“Yeah! I’m getting inside as soon as I can! There’s been baseball-sized hail reported!”
“Uh-oh! We’d love to stay and chat, Mr. Rivarez,” Miles replied, even though he really didn’t feel like talking, “but we gotta find shelter! C’mon, Katrina.”
Miles and Katrina were running along the road now. They reached a curve under a steep dirt hill, and saw a tunnel. The clouds up above had been the blackest Miles had ever seen.
“C’mon. Let’s hurry into that tunnel!” Katrina exclaimed as it started to sprinkle. Lightning flashed. Thunder boomed. Miles’s and Katrina’s brown hair whipped in the strong winds. Clouds of dust started flying around. Miles and Katrina got into the dark tunnel just as soon as it started pouring rain and a large chunk of hail slammed into where they had just been.
“Wow!” Miles exclaimed. “This is one heck of a storm!”
“Listen to all that hail and rain hitting the roof of the tunnel!” Katrina replied excitedly.
That was when it happened. Miles heard a small neighing sound outside…mixed in with the sound of horrific laughter. He was surprised that he could hear the sound above all the rain and hail.
“Did you hear that?” Miles asked Katrina.
“Hear what?”
“That noise!”
“What noise?” The neighing and the laughing continued.
“That!” Now Miles and Katrina were both very cautious. They looked around the dark tunnel, but found nothing. They couldn’t find the source of the disturbing sound anywhere. Still, they both felt an unsettling presence outside of the tunnel.
Then, Katrina looked at the other end of the tunnel, and her eyes grew wide. Her bag slipped off of her shoulder. Her heart nearly stopped.
“What?” Miles asked, but then he too found what Katrina was so afraid of. A man on a horse was outside the tunnel, along with two other figures. Miles and Katrina backed up, but soon found they were caught. If they went outside, they would be killed by the large hail. If they stayed in the tunnel, they would be caught by those three mysterious figures. They were completely trapped.
As the man on a horse approached, Miles noticed that he didn’t have a head. There was a hole where his head should’ve been. It became clear that the man was the Headless Horseman. The two figures following him were armed knights.
Miles and Katrina only stared as the horse trotted towards them. The Headless Horseman had a belt with flaming pumpkins on it. Two were red, two were yellow-orange, two were green, and two were blue. The blue pumpkins burned the brightest and were the most dangerous. The fire blazing from the red pumpkins was the dimmest and the least dangerous.
The Headless Horseman took a red flaming pumpkin from his belt and another one appeared in its spot. He threw the flaming pumpkin at the two children. Katrina dashed to the side, but Miles wasn’t quick enough. The pumpkin hit right in front of Miles’s feet, and Miles flew outside the tunnel. He slid under a tree and finally stopped unconscious. Luckily, the tree sheltered Miles from the falling rain and hail. Miles didn’t even notice as the Headless Horseman grabbed his sister’s shoulder.



Miles and Katrina were falling. Miles fell farther below Katrina. They were both falling so fast that the clouds went by in a blur. The height was unimaginable. The beautiful sun shone through the clouds, but Miles didn’t have time to think about it. His mind was racing with thoughts of horror as he descended.
Miles thought it was the end, until he atheistically started floating in the air. He was safe. But he was only thinking about his safety until Katrina zipped past him, still falling. She screamed as she disappeared into the clouds…never to be seen again. All of a sudden, a loud crack broke the silence.



Miles awakened. He thought about the loud crack at the end of his dream. Then he heard it again, and it was coming from above him. He looked up, and to his horror, the tree that had sheltered him from the rain and hail was falling down.
Miles quickly shot up and ran out of the way of the falling tree. It crashed to the road, tons of large chunks of hail spilling from the top of it. Miles would’ve been pelted by hail, but it had stopped raining, and the clouds were a dim gray color.
Miles began to think that it had all been a dream, and that Katrina was right behind him, standing in that dark tunnel.
“Katrina?” Miles replied. “I’m okay!” There was no reply.
“Katrina?” Still no reply.
“KATRINA!!!” Miles shouted. There was still absolutely no answer. With anger, anxiousness, and frustration Miles turned around to find…that Katrina was nowhere in sight.
“No…” he said his eyes growing wide. He sprinted towards the tunnel and searched everywhere. He searched every corner, every side, he even looked up at the ceiling once or twice thinking some crazy thought that Katrina might be there. Of course she wasn’t.
The only three things that Miles found were one of Katrina’s pink sandals, a shattered red pumpkin—the one the Headless Horseman had thrown at Miles—and a torn piece of paper with the letters F-A-M-I-N on it and half an E after it, with made him think the paper said ‘FAMINE’.
But these clues got him no closer to the whereabouts of Katrina.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 21 Next »


Join the Discussion

This book has 29 comments. Post your own now!

shinegirl24 said...
Nov. 5, 2011 at 1:48 pm
I really like your idea to bring the Legend of Sleepy Hollow back to life...  good job!
 
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 6, 2011 at 7:07 am

Thanks! When I wrote this back in sixth grade, everyone said it was really creative.

 

I'm really wondering whether or not I should rewrite it. It'll still have the Legend of Sleepy Hollow in it and all the other key events, but if you've read my other story Infinity, you probably know what I'm talkin about.

 

So could you please tell me if I should rewrite it? And thanks for the comment! :)

 
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 5:39 am
Also, don't forget to rate it!
 
Waffuleez replied...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 11:23 am
wow, this is really creative! i really do like this, and if i find time later, i'll most likely read the sequel to it. i've always been a huge fan of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and this really was awesome. nice job :-)
 
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 11:24 am
Thanks so much, Waffuleez! :)
 
Waffuleez replied...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 11:31 am

no problem :-)

oh, and i know you said you'd seen my thread where i started Skeletals. just to let you know, i moved it all to a new thread (titled Skeletals) where i'll add a new piece of story every Saturday. so in case you're interested you can check that out. there has been a new piece added today, so if you want, you can read it.

 
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 13, 2011 at 6:41 am
Okay, I will when I get the chance! :)
 
AnimaCordis replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 4:14 pm

I can't believe you wrote this in the 6th grade! Wow! If i had a dream like that i don't know what i'd do. 

This is so suspencefull, how much did you plan it all out? 

 
kingofwriters replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 5:22 pm

I honestly didn't plan it out much--whenever an idea pops in my head, it just sticks with me. I always have really good memory like that; I never write any of my ideas down, and I still remember them.

IT'S AWESOME.

Thanks for the comment! :)

 

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