The Elemental Times-The Lethal Tide

August 6, 2011
By bobun16 SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
bobun16 SILVER, Mesa, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
is this a trick question or what?-Calvin and Hobbes


Summary:

Katie D is a normal teenage girl, attending Junior High School. Shunned by her classmates, bullied, teased, and harassed, she finds herself growing distant with the people around her. That is, until the new kids show up.
Jenna and Logan are unlike anyone she's ever met before. As she get's to know them better, she finds them to have powers beyond her wildest dreams, until one day something goes wrong, and she finds herself showing a similar power. Now it's a fight for her life as Logan and Jenna help her survive and teach her to control the new world unraveling before her. Will she survive? Can she escape the strange men who are hunting her down? Why am I writing this much? I'm a terrible advertiser! read it, I promise, it's better than this crappy intro!


bobun16

The Elemental Times-The Lethal Tide


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This book has 1 comment.


on Dec. 18 2011 at 3:01 pm
DarkMountain BRONZE, Portland, Oregon
4 articles 0 photos 39 comments

Favorite Quote:
My eyes feel so heavy when the stars are calling me
- Join with us eternally -
I'm falling in deep trance and my powers are weakening
I'm falling in a world between dreams and reality
... I'm sailing away to undiscovered seas...
Oh time...

Wow, this is a really long story... I honestly can't say I finished it. However, I enjoyed the action, when it arrived- I thought you spent far too much time on the little details at the school, and that was (not trying to be mean) somewhat boring. I would suggest spicing things up with imagery and fine-tuning the dialogue. Also I found quite a few misplaced commas, which made it feel a little awkward. 

You obviously have no trouble getting your ideas down on paper (something that I stumble over sometimes), but the next step is to edit and move towards the ideal tone you're trying to achieve. A well-purposed, lively summary paragraph will serve you better than three pages of in-depth detailing of subjects not essential to your core story.

Again, I was impressed by the length and bredth of this work, and was interested by the premise, but got lost in the endless details. I'm sorry for this really long comment, but I thought I'd add my opinion. Overall, good job :)



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