The Silver Suit

August 2, 2011
By MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'


Summary:

Enter a world so different, yet in some ways so alike, our world. Enter the gaming world of BlueCrimson, the hottest game around the world. For the first two years people played this game with a passion, not knowing the rising evil within it. Premium Users were actually able to enter this virtual world and play freely. Until three years ago, after its second anniversary the game took over. Using information it got from the internet surrounding it, it found a way to override the exiting ability of anything in the game, and started its own government. The FIA, a secret government branch, a mix of the FBI and the CIA is on the case. They have planted an agent in the game. Asher, or Zeeb as his username, has been ratted out and now must find a new person to become the next Silver Suit legend so he can escape the game before he is killed. He finds Ike, and gives him the Sliver body armor Suit. But before he can explain what needs to be done the FIA pulls him out of the game. Now Ike, though unsure if he even wants the job, and his growing band of fugitives must figure out what they can and must do to over through the GG, Game Government, while on the run and braking out any Innocents, prisons of the GG who would be innocent on the Outside, and decode and unravel the few messages that the FIA are able to get to them. Will Ike discover and accept his new job and identity? Will the GG catch them? Will they be able to save the Innocents that will die if left there? Will they be able to finally over through the GG? But most importantly: Will they ever get home again?


MidnightFire

The Silver Suit


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This book has 6 comments.


on Aug. 24 2011 at 8:48 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

Thanks :) glad you liked it.  I'll work on the issues at hand

on Aug. 24 2011 at 9:28 am
billgamesh11 BRONZE, Grafton, Massachusetts
3 articles 0 photos 278 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's always darkest before the dawn." ~Florence and the Machine

Im sorry I hadnt gotten around to reading this until now, but I'm kinda glad I did. There's a few grammatical errors and I agree with CarrieAnn13, you have too many characters and it got really hard to keep up with them all. But it was a cool idea, so keep the creativity flowing and don't stop writing! :):):);)

on Aug. 4 2011 at 7:57 pm
MidnightFire PLATINUM, Lincoln, Illinois
40 articles 6 photos 239 comments

Favorite Quote:
'Dream as if you will live forever, live as if you'll die tomorrow.'
for my sister: 'when life gives me lemons ... i eat them'
'do not be afraid, be faithful'
'God is not safe, but He's good'

TeenInk seems to be having problems, DinoNugget and CarrieAnn13 both of your posts seem to have been posted twice in the same comment. weird.

 

StrangeJade: Could you elaberate a bit on the 'telling-not-showing' plz

 

DinoNugget: the first part on your description for the proluge confused me abit, I've never seen the Matrix before, and I'm not sure how to describe the suits. I'll look up a good picture of them and hopfully get a good description.

 

CarrieAnn13: The proper nouns are needed cause if I don't use them through out the story it could possibly confuse them even more since they will all be explained.  I think because puting a novel on here doesn't let you use the Bold or Italics it makes the flash back more confusing :P The only ones you need to remember are the ones that are named, I'll see If I can narrow that down also


on Aug. 4 2011 at 7:17 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

In the format of DinoNugget, here's a chapter-to-chapter breakdown.

Prologue: Interesting, but kind of confusing.  Maybe you could try leaving out all those proper nouns until you have time to explain them later.

Chapter 1: This sounds a lot like the Matrix.  But whatever, it's interesting.  Just a few minor spelling and grammar errors.

Chapter 2: Too many proper nouns again.  Do you really need so many characters?  It can be hard to keep all the names straight.


on Aug. 4 2011 at 4:56 pm
SilentlyRising GOLD, Decatur, Georgia
13 articles 0 photos 100 comments

Favorite Quote:
"My pen is the barrel of the gun. Remind me which side you should be on."

Here's a little chapter-to-chapter breakdown.

 

Prologue - her was crazy, and right afterwards to needs become too.  Watch your homophones.

 

Chapter 1 - It kinda sounded like the Matrix to me a little.  Nothing else grammatically wrong in this chapter.

 

Chapter 2 - Do you think you can include a description of the armor somewhere?  I'm curious as to what it looks like.  And ther are a few spelling errors like fallowed needs to be changed to followed, and erg needs to be urge.

 

I love, love, love the plot!  It's very interesting.  You've done a great job so far, and I can't wait to read more!


on Aug. 4 2011 at 4:50 pm
StrangeJade PLATINUM, Relative Obscurity, California
36 articles 17 photos 391 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it." - Life of Pi

Ooh! Cool! :) An intriguing start. You do have a bit of a habit of telling-not-showing sometimes, but the unadorned style suits the story well. Good job! I'm excited to see what happens next.


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