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TeenInk If this is the ending of the story, what is the beginning? http://t.co/gRzPosYXRi
TeenInk I posted a new photo to Facebook http://t.co/Y2aXGHv5cc

TeenInk seems to be having problems, DinoNugget and CarrieAnn13 both of your posts seem to have been posted twice in the same comment. weird.
StrangeJade: Could you elaberate a bit on the 'telling-not-showing' plz
DinoNugget: the first part on your description for the proluge confused me abit, I've never seen the Matrix before, and I'm not sure how to describe the suits. I'll look up a good picture of them and hopfully... (more »)
In the format of DinoNugget, here's a chapter-to-chapter breakdown.
Prologue: Interesting, but kind of confusing. Maybe you could try leaving out all those proper nouns until you have time to explain them later.
Chapter 1: This sounds a lot like the Matrix. But whatever, it's interesting. Just a few minor spelling and grammar errors.
Chapter 2: Too many proper nouns again. Do you really need so many characters? It can be hard to keep all the ... (more »)
Here's a little chapter-to-chapter breakdown.
Prologue - her was crazy, and right afterwards to needs become too. Watch your homophones.
Chapter 1 - It kinda sounded like the Matrix to me a little. Nothing else grammatically wrong in this chapter.
Chapter 2 - Do you think you can include a description of the armor somewhere? I'm curious as to what it looks like. And ther are a few spelling error... (more »)
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