My Promise to You

February 24, 2017

It happened to you just as it has many others, and while I never experienced it personally, it tore me apart nonetheless. It was agonizing. To be mindful of your misery, yet unable to help. Suffering befell upon the whole family, no doubt, but I know that the maiming effect that the situation inflicted was most difficult for you than any. You were so young, your sisters even younger. They weren’t quite old enough to understand. And I suppose maybe you weren’t either, still, you knew enough.

Daddy doesn’t love us? What did I do to make him leave?

I’m confident those are questions you asked yourself everyday, but please listen and believe me when I tell you that this is not in any way your fault.

He abandoned you, and you were left to grieve in solitary. Had he left and stayed elsewhere, maybe you wouldn’t be so torn, but he didn’t. He’d give you weeks to recover, to start healing, only to come crashing through the door to lacerate your bandages and tear his way back into your heart. Regardless of the heartache you felt at the end, you looked forward to these days, you yearned for him so much. In a way I suppose I was happy for you, the way you’d light up when you saw him it warmed my heart. While it’s true that I loved the way you glowed with radiance, I still absolutely dreaded the days he’d visit. Your time with him was always limited and soon enough he had to leave. You knew it was coming, you knew it was almost that time again. You screamed, you cried, you begged for him to stay, to give you another chance. You had always thought that it was your fault.
I held onto you for hours as you tried to calm down, devastated that he had left you again. My heart shattered for you each and every time. I have been in great pain, both physical and emotional yet nothing compares to how wrenching it was to comfort you while you grieved over the man who could not see the beauty in front of him, the beauty he so willingly gave up.

I worry for you. I worry that you’ve grown up not knowing just how well you deserve to be treated, that you’ve grown up still believing that it was your fault he left. So no more thinking- I could have changed for you
I want you to know how much I love you, how much I always have and how much I always will. I will always be here to listen when you need me to cry to. I’ll be there for every birthday party, every heartbreak, every success, and every failure because I know that he will not be. You might have lost him, but you will never lose me, that is my promise to you.

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