A lot of times, love is the hardest thing for me to get my mind around.  It's not that I've had a want of love in any area of my life-- I have an amazing family, great friends, etc.  But still the concept of love is a tough one.  My nature is to hold a grudge after someone does something to me.  Love means forgiveness.  I have trouble with the concept of patience for other people who sometimes just don't get it (in my eyes, at least).  Love has to have patience.  America’s idea of romantic love is so far skewed from what I believe that it was meant to be. It has become all about lust, not true love.

My favorite Andrew Peterson song is called "Love Is a Good Thing." One verse goes, "It’ll wake you up in the middle of the night, it’ll take just a little too much. It’ll burn you like a cinder till you’re tender to the touch. It’ll chase you down, swallow you whole, it’ll make your blood run hot and cold. Like a thief in the night it’ll steal your soul, and that’s a good thing. Love is a good thing."  Love will always be hard, but we must remember that it will always be a good thing.  The Hebrew language has three words for love: raya- the love of companionship, ahava- the love of commitment, and dod- the love of passion. Whether it's the "raya" of a best friend, the "ahava" of a parent, or the "dod" of a soulmate, love must always be seen as a good thing.  

We are constantly being told that we will find the love that we think we deserve.  Love starts with loving yourself.  I have had numerous friends get into bad relationships when they were desperately struggling with self image issues.  They don't believe that they are worth a good relationship, so they settle for something awful.  They don't think that the deserve to be treated right, so they don't stand up for themselves. This is what I don’t want. I want a relationship with a man that understands that I deserve the best. I refuse to let myself stay with someone who takes advantage of me. He should, in no way, make me think less of myself. And I should do the same for him. In today’s society, women often expect too much of men. Just as we need to be taken care of, we should take care of the man. He should be respectful to me, but I must also be respectful to him. Often, girls forget that for a romantic relationship to last, it must be give-and-take.

Because of my views on romantic love, I will not settle for just anyone. I don’t think that having a boyfriend just to say that I have a boyfriend is healthy at all. I know that I am only eighteen, but if I can’t see myself marrying a guy, why in the world should I waste my time dating him? It’s not worth the inevitable heartache. If I want to have a good marriage, I must begin living out those ideals while dating. In addition, the love of a romantic relationship must have a foundation of friendship love and unconditional love. If the only thing there is romance, where will the relationship be in the hard times? It’s simple: it just won’t be. It is of utmost importance to love someone as a friend before loving them as a boyfriend. While the end result of a romantic relationship might be on the mind the whole time, you have to make sure that you get along with someone before you try anything romantically. If you don’t like each other as people, there is no way you could ever love each other as spouses.

Love is hard. But love is good. In any loving relationship-- whether it’s romantic or not-- must be centered around the fact that it is not always going to be easy. You must know that before the hard times come. Otherwise, you do not have a strong foundation to carry you through the hard parts. You have to decide that it’s worth it. If you cannot come to that conclusion, the relationship is doomed for failure.