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How it Feels to be Me

By , everson, WA
“Mom I don’t feel good” “cough cough” I said trying to make it sound as real as possible. Well of courSeemom didn’t believe me so I still had to go to school which is hell for me. I hated it more that taking cough medicine. School for me is a crowded city and I’m like the ant in the streets trying not to get smashed. There are a few things I don’t like about school, other girls besides myself and my friend Morgan, guys who constantly make fun of me and teachers. The first thing that comes to my mind when the alarm goes off on Monday mornings is this is like hell, I just wish I were dead. The worst thing about school is being invisible to everyone. Thinking back on everyday so far in high school I’ve been run into more than I can count, no one cares they just look down and laugh and keep walking. Where did all the nice people go?

Well anyways its Monday morning…great. I get up out of bed and does the same routine as always, get up, eat, brush my teeth, put on a little make up and get dressed. I have to ride the bus even though in 16 and I should have my license like everyone else but no I have to wait till I buy my own car. I walk outside and wow its freezing. I could spit and it would freeze before it hits the ground. I walk to meet up with my two class mates, Morgan and chase. They are both different than me; they are actually a little popular. I have to admit I’m super jealous of Morgan. She beautiful she has brown hair and green eyes and she doesn’t even have to wear makeup to be pretty. On the other hand there’s chase, he’s a nerd but he makes a good friend to talk to. Both of them listen to my problems but I think chase actually pays attention. I walk up and Morgan is jumping up and down and she says “guess what, guess what!”I look at her laughing “what tell me already” she points to a white Tahoe and waves keys in my face. “I got my license I can drive but not with other people till my 6 months are up.” Then she says bye and jumps in her nice warm car and drives off. Me and chase talked until the bus got to our stop then he went and sat with his nerd friends. About 10 minutes later we get to the school. Here we go.

I take a deep breath and walk off the bus. The first thing I get when I get off is of course a shove from the kid behind me trying to get to his locker before the bell rings. I walk around the school to the back where all the guys who smoke are at and walk by without a word said to either me or them. I finally reached my locker on the very end of the hall way and grab my things. Then I see him. His blond hair and blue eyes, his Romeos and his carhartt jeans. I get sick to my stomach and shut my locker and walk off. Gosh he would never go for me. I’m just a lonely girl with no friends who’s invisible to the whole world it seems like. I get to my class and sit in the very back like always and think about the rest of my day. I plan out how I’m going to skip next period so that way I won’t have to deal with the stupid teacher who always seems to call on me to answer a question I have no idea how to solve. “DING DINGGGG” the bell scared me a little; I grab my things and rush out the door. I go outside and run into the woods so no one could see me. I sit in my usual spot under the biggest tree in the woods and pull out my phone and start playing Sims 3. “Crunch” I look up my heart skipped a beat. It’s like when you look off a tall ledge or something and you think you’re going fall. Well yeah it was like that everything got silent again and I put my head phones back in.

Then everything went black, I grabbed the hands that were over my eyes and jumped up in fright. “Easy now I didn’t mean to scare you that bad” he was laughing at me, great. I looked up and saw Cole. It was really him, the guy with the blond hair and blue eyes with Romeos and carhartts on. “What are you doing out here? No one comes out here but me” I said out of breath. “I saw you coming out here so I fallowed you” he smiled. My heart melted. This was indeed the longest conversation we have ever had. “Well you aren’t going to tell on me are you? I don’t want to get in trouble.” He looked at me and shook his head. Well that’s a relief. We hung out there all day talking about nothing and soon we heard the bell ring for school to be over. “Well I’ll see you tomorrow wont I?” he asked. “Only on A days” I replied with a slight smile. We walked off different directions and went home. This was definitely the best day I have ever had.

The next day I took a blow dryer to my for head and told my mom I had a fever and she believed me. Sometimes I think she doesn’t think strait. I really wanted breakfast, I waited my mom to leave then I went down stairs. I grabbed a pan and cracked two eggs into it and put two pieces of toast in the toaster. I got on the computer while I waited for them to cook. I heard the door bell ring and looked through the peep hole and no one was there, I knew what was next. I walked over and grabbed the fire extinguisher and opened the door and put out the flaming bag of crap. Then to my surprise I caught a glimpse of who it was. It was Cole. He looked at me and laughed and you could bet how pissed I now.

I get to school and walk to my locker, as I’m standing there I got bumped of course and I am still pissed so it doesn’t help at all. It was a stupid freshman or what everyone calls them fresh meat. Any way I look at her and for once I say something back. “Do you mind watching were your walking?” and she looked at me mouth open and she just had a blank look on her face. I just gave her a b****y smile and walked off. I was sitting in my first period class when the phone rings on the teacher’s desk. “Hello Mrs. Jazz classroom” she said yeah and uh- huh a lot then hung up the phone and looked right at me. Oh crap. She smiled and said to me “the office called you they need to talk to you.” All of the class room said “ohhhhh” like most immature juniors would and I got my things and walked to the office. The head of the school the principle called me into his office. “We know you have been sneaking off and skipping 2, 3 and 4th periods.” I looked down crap I am screwed. I told him “I hate my teachers, I hate my classmates and I hate this school.” He had a surprised look on his face. “Well I can tell but you still need to go to class.” I looked at my bag planning my escape. Then in an instant I snatched up my bag and ran out the door of his office then out to two double doors out to the street. I started running till I couldn’t breathe. I walked all the way up the street and turned left onto my street and ran home.

I go straight to my mom’s bedroom and go to her cupboard and reach for the alcohol and chug almost all of it. I never drank before and I don’t know how I did it but I did. I wasn’t thinking and I was upset and pissed. I thought it would be fun to run up and down the stairs so I did, I couldn’t think I didn’t realize what I was doing. I was drunk and I was having fun. I grabbed a long rope out of the garage and tied it to the ceiling fan and I sat on it like a swing and started swinging. Then everything went bad. The roped slipped and I started falling and it caught around my neck. I couldn’t breathe, my vision was going black, and my neck was burning from the rope being so tight around it. I stopped struggling and I stopped hurting that was it, I was dying. The last thing I could hear was my mom screaming and then everything stopped. That was the end of it. I still wonder how everyone felt, knowing that I did that because of them. They pushed me to do it I wouldn’t have done it if everyone respected me like I respect them but no they sat there laughing, pointing and pushing me around. I just wish it would someday happen to them.

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