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Dear Ma and Papa This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

By , Delhi, India
I love you. You know that. I hope that you love me too, but I'm not sure. You may want to know why. You gave me a beautiful brother. I'm grateful for that.
But the thing is, I hate you, too. I hate you for what you do to me. You underestimate me. You want better grades. You want me to dress like a girl. You think my brother is better in every aspect. Because he brings better grades. And because he doesn't answer back. That's because he's stupid. Stupid not to answer you back, even when you're wrong.

I answer you back when you're wrong. You want me to be a better person. I am a better person. Better than you, because you think that I'm stupid when I help someone. On the other hand, you tell me to help others. Now that is stupid!

You think I'm useless when I don't get good grades. You think I don't try hard enough. But I do what I'm capable of. And I'm not useless. I know I don't talk to my relatives nicely; I am an average student; I leave the lights on when I leave a room; I don't dress properly; I'm not social and don't mix well with people; my room is messy; I'm rude to our housemaid; I have bad handwriting. You think everybody around me uses me to get their work done, and you also say that I'm hopeless. You want me to be on top of the world, but I can't be. Why can't you just accept me as I am?

I'm not useless. “Useless” is obviously not a good term to describe your only daughter. It really breaks my heart to feel that you hate me. I bet I'm going to be a better parent than you. And I hope that you don't kill me before that.

You want me to be a doctor, right? You say it's good to save lives. But have you asked me how I want to be? No. And that's selfish.

You don't like what I do – you've never liked what I do – but NEWSFLASH: you don't have to! I'm not hurting or killing myself or anything. I'm just doing what I need to do: writing and singing. Is that bad? I'm not a very good writer. Maybe I don't have the best skills. But I can improve. And I want to improve. But you won't encourage me.

Right before I sleep, I make up all these perfect scenarios of how I want my life to be – but then it hits me. My life is nothing like I want it to be. This is my life. Not yours. You have lived your lives, and you are both set. You have what you wanted. Aren't you going to let me live mine?

I try my best to please you. I even try my best to outshine my brother. I just can't.

I can't say this to your face, because I can't bear to hear you tell me not to answer back yet again. So, all I can do is write. I'm sick, I'm tired; sometimes I wish I did not exist. No matter how long I sleep, I wake up feeling tired and sad and helpless.

I don't know why I still love you. And I really do love you, Ma and Papa.

Just for once, please let my best be good enough.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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This article has 14 comments. Post your own!

KlammytThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 6:42 pm:
Amazing and beautiful. I loved the rushed writing– it made me feel like you were actually speaking. Great, amazing job.
 
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TizzyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
yesterday at 10:17 am:
This. Is. Awesome. It's totally me. And deep!  
 
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cryokinetic4325This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 23 at 2:11 pm:
so damn deep
 
cookiemonster24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
May 16 at 12:54 am :
Haha, thanks... this is me, Cookiemonster24 ;) 
 
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evawinchester247This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 2:15 am:
Your awesome girl and you described every teenager's feelings very well....Keep up the good work.
 
cookiemonster24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 30, 2012 at 3:38 am :
Thank you. It means a lot. Especially from you.
 
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Picus.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 28, 2012 at 8:35 am:
Seriously, this entirely describes my feelings. You did a great job. <3
 
cookiemonster24This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 29, 2012 at 1:14 am :
Thank you! :)
 
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chinaaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 10:03 pm:
o my godness tht was amazing  that was ugh i have no words to describe..it reminds me of me and my smart azz brother i truly loved hun. <3  
 
cookiemonsterlovespieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:18 pm :
Haha. I'm glad it did.
 
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DarkEyesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 10:02 pm:
This is pretty darn friggin amazing. I think that everyone feels this way, even if they dont feel it as strongly. Also, you're wrong,  I think your a pretty good writer. Great job, keep it up!
 
cookiemonsterlovespieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 11:32 pm :
Am I? Thanks so much. That means a lot to me. <3
 
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Cheyenne_loves_Ed said...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 9:37 pm:
I really like it and I understand how hard it is to talk to parents. My mom yells a lot and is in a situation right now where I want to steer clear of her anger so I like how you're letting out your feelings but you're trying to steer clear of the anger. Great job!
 
cookiemonsterlovespieThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Dec. 21, 2012 at 9:54 pm :
Thank you so much! :)
 
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