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It Will Never Work

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Us is all I think about when I’m with you. If there is even the slightest possibility that me and you could ever happen, I’d take that chance. No, not could ever happen, will happen. We will happen. I want it so bad, sometimes I just sit and relive the moments I spent with you earlier in the day. I try so hard to keep from showing you who I am, but it doesn’t work. It always comes out, to tell you I want you. I try to conceal it, or at least show it through some sort of symbol, but I don’t know if it works. If it did work, I’d figure you’d be gone by now, you would’ve run far, far away from me.

I want to stop flirting with you. I want to keep this at a friendship level, but at the same time, I wanna keep going. Every time I see you looking at me, we have this joke where we stare at each other until one of us cracks up. But I don’t try to laugh, I just love to stare into your eyes, it gives me a state of mind that is so peaceful... no one else has given me that. But I can’t risk it, I can’t be with you because... well...

We would never work. I always tell myself that.

But I also tell myself we’d be perfect.

Sometimes I just want you to accept me. I’m attracted to you, I admit it. But I won’t change for you. I’m not going to let you shape me into something I don’t wanna be. I’ll be yours if you want, because I really want you to be mine. Actually, you’re already mine. I consider you a great friend, one who isn’t afraid to be honest to me, and I respect you for that. You tell me if I’m messing up, if I look stupid, and once you even told me that I was such an idiot, I’d never have a chance of succeeding at anything.

But you also tell me good things about myself, things that boost my self-confidence. They can even be really small things, like when you tell me I smell good or that you like my shirt. But the ones with deeper meanings are what make me want you so much, it drives me nuts. I love it when you tell me that you’re glad I want to be with you. That you wished you had more time to be with me. Or my favorite, that you ‘couldn’t wish for a better friend’.

I don’t know how to thank you for everything... for being here for me. I truly mean everything I say, why would I lie? Life would probably be meaningless without you, I’d be really angry if I had to live a day knowing that you weren’t there anymore. I don’t want anything to happen to you, and if that means I have to lock you up in a cage and keep you underneath my bed forever, so be it.

I’d do anything to keep you with me. Maybe that’s why I want you so bad. When you give me that look, when I look into your eyes, it’s almost as if I can see right down into your core, I can feel your insecurity. I want to hug you, nonstop, every moment of every day, and especially when I look into those beautiful blue eyes of yours. I wanna make you feel safe, I wanna give you a place you can call home. And when we hug, I want you to mean it, like you always do. I don’t have to say anything, I just want a hug when I hold out my arms, and you’re there. I love you for that.

I know I may seem crazy now, but I have to get all my feelings out. I want to tell the world about you, I want to show off to the entire human race that I have the best one right here, and I’ll brag that sometimes I even get to hold you in my arms. I must be the luckiest person alive to be able to do that. I can’t thank you enough for letting me be your friend.




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