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Guilt

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It's New Years Day. I'm at my nonna's house and we have all just finished eating dinner. I go into Ohgi's computer room. I log onto facebook because the guilt was just eating me alive. Nick is on the other line.
"Kristina, you can't do this. you just can't" he says.
"Nick, i have got to do this. The guilt is just eating me alive! I can't take this any longer!" I answer. I look through my online friends. Caitlin is online.
"If you do it, please don't hang up. I want to hear you do this." Nick says.
"Alright." I answer.
I opened up a new chat window. I tell her online that we need to talk. I could tell by her hesitation to answer that she automatically knew something had happened. She answers with a "what happened." i told her via FaceBook message, "Caitlin, Nick and I were down town. And..I don't know how to say this,but...Nick and I had kissed." Caitlin didn't answer for a whole 5 minutes. Then, she started to write back. She was so angry with him and I. She wrote on his wall "YOU ARE IN SOME DEEP S***!" I got off the computer. Crying, i went upstairs to the living room. I was bawling into a pillow so no one downstairs could hear me. Then, my phone vibrated. Buzz, Buzz, Buzz. It was a text message from Nick. I opened up the text message. It read, "In order for Caitlin and I to stay together, she told me that I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore." I was crushed. I knew what I had done was a mistake. I just knew it. Not only did I lose two of my best friends in the entire world, but i had lost respect for myself. I could never see myself as a normal person ever again. I was disgusting, filthy, and grimy. I could never look at myself in the mirror and say to myself that I was a good person, because i knew I wasn't anymore. If only the guilt hadn't eaten me alive. What would the relationship between Nick and I ever be like? Would it still be the way it was? Or would he still not talk to me?





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