What I'm Afraid Of

I sit and think you don’t get to live forever, life flies really fast. Each time death pops into my head I feel like I’m having a panic attack. My heart drops and I began having hard time breathing, I can barely swallow, my eyes get watery, and my body begins to tremble. If I knew what a heart attack felt like I’d say that’s exactly how it feels just like I’m grasping for life.
When I sit here and think, one day I won’t exist anymore .what if I die today, will people care, how will my family feel? That’s just a scary thing to think about. Who can process such a thing, how do people with cancer and other diseases deal with knowing they will be dying within months.
Then I begin wondering, what if I don’t make it to heaven? Its not I can be like, “oh I’m going to heaven because I’m perfect. When there’s no such thing as perfect. One thing I can do though is be the best person I can be for the rest of my time. That’s why I feel like I shouldn’t hold grudges and be peaceful.
It hurts so bad to know that one day my mom and dad wont be my parents anymore. In fact when we die no one remembers people from our mortal life as friends or family. Everyone is your brother and sister when you die. That’s why everyone should love one another and do the right thing. Not because they want to help anyone else live longer but for the good old man upstairs and to make this world a better place.
I hope it isn’t wrong for me to say that I want everyone including myself to live forever. Yes I know the world would be over populated and that it’s a childish thought, but just think why can’t we just expand the world, for we can all live forever. Life doesn’t make since, so why can’t another crazy scientist come up with a reason why people aren’t dying or why they world is getting bigger? I mean they did make the big bang theory!
Death is the biggest fear that everyone has to face. I mean it’s sad that good people have to die everyday. I know death is suppose to be like a celebration to be in a better place, but our mortal bodies cant help but be saddened by death. When you really think it’s kind of like people are afraid to be sad or no that their family and friends will be sad when they die. As they say” we have one life to live so let’s make the best of it!”
Which leads me to wonder, if I’m wrong for being scared of death, and if I’m wrong wanting eternal life? I think it’s only human for me to ask questions like such. You can’t run away from your fears forever or should I say for the bit of life we have left. However I am not ashamed to say I’m afraid of death!





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