What is it called when one person cannot stand another? Ah, yes, that is called annoyance, an attitude never felt by either Jesus or Mother Theresa. But for the rest of us sinners there are complaints, not just about the situations we are put in, but concerning the people surrounding us. As a sinner pretending to be perfect, I feel like I have had and will always continue to have, my share of complaints of those surrounding me. Let me say it like it is, if people cannot achieve my standards of normal, than they are not considered normal but rather a nuisance. Many pests exist in my life, but three in particular really know how to get my goat.

One classic nuisance is the “would-you-please-just-shut-that-thing-off?” This can always be identified by one noise: the crying baby. However, these babies not only cry, they scream bloody murder at the top of their lungs. I must make one thing clear; my annoyance is not with the baby but with the guardian. The caretaker is more than capable of leaving the public area to solve the baby’s needs. But this person has just about had it themselves, and to prove their frustration and stubbornness they will trudge on with their errand, baby in hand. It is as if they have no care for the rest of the normal world, no care to put the public out of their misery, no care to “take one for the team”. No, everyone must suffer the consequences that the baby maker earned. My fury towards the situation usually turns catty, trying to find the origin of the noise to tell the parent very rudely to remove themself from the area. When the “it” is finally found, I usually chicken out and keep my comments to myself. I then take a long hard look at this particular person, with their 3 p.m. pajamas and dark under eye circles, and find it obvious that the parent has had a long night. I might start to grow some pity, and maybe even some remnants of a heart, but all of that diminishes when I question why that person is enough of a weakling to let their not-even-a-year-old-baby control their life so negatively. After about 15 minutes the guardian will get a talking to by either the store manager or an old lady somehow crueler than I am, meaning they must leave the store at that moment if they care to maintain an ounce of dignity. It is that sweet moment that I wait for amidst the cries, the moment I know the parent will vow to never bring that child to a store again - one less screaming infant in my perfect world.

Another disturbance to my flawless society consists of the “is-it-really-necessary-to-use-gum-as-a-firecracker?” This individual takes the stage of annoyance with only one prop: gum. When walking through the aisles of a store it is almost impossible to not hear the deafening crack. Chomp, chew, blow, CRACK. Chomp. Chew. CRACK. The routine is endless, never with a store manager or cruel old lady to save me from my misery. Apparently gum cracking is now considered “constitutional.” However, this is recent news; for I am sure June Cleaver never had to deal with this nuisance at her local grocery store. It is with this problem lately that I have found the solution mystifying. A year ago I could have given that gum rapist the stink eye accompanied by mouthing “STOP” for which the criminal would comply. This method has no longer proved itself useful, starting with my recent trip to Ross. It was a Saturday, and I was innocently scavenging the aisles of the Home Décor section when I heard the sound. Like usual she was a large and offensive woman, all the better to chew gum with that whale of a mouth. For some reason I felt the gum may start to become infrequent over a matter of minutes, but the velocity of the pyrotechnics show only sped up. Now it was only a matter of 15 seconds between each splitting snap, the time for an intervention had come. The snaps were so loud as to make one think she was near, but in reality I had to travel three aisles to find the woman. I placed myself beside her and started the process; glare, lock eyes, stink eye and “STOP.” What? She did not stop? The pest leisurely passed by me, increasing the volume of her gunfire, I am sure, to irritate me. Dumbfounded, I waited to use the trick again once more on her and yet again on another gum cracker, to no avail. People no longer heed these warnings, making this annoyance even more maddening.

This next category, “just-grow-up-and-get-over-it,” is quite unique for sometimes I am considered in it. Just-grow-up-and-get-over-it members are the terminally negative who usually can never find something nice to say. These are the instigators, the people who go out of their way to make your day miserable. Why I happen to know a full-time participant that I am required to be near because he is friends with mine. Every time I am within hearing distance I feel that I am going to explode. Just this morning when everyone in the classroom was told by the teacher to try relaxing techniques, he started to complain loudly, and as those around him tried to quiet him, he just about flipped a lid, yelling that everyone else needed to calm down. However, everyone knew who really had the problem. Along with hypocrisy and sudden bouts of anger, side effects also include turrets. A constant offender usually cusses for no reason at all; hey, add an F-bomb here and there and you have a perfectly intelligent sentence. Do they not understand that a cuss word should be saved for special events and not used on a daily basis? That would be like someone who keeps their Christmas lights on all year! In the long run, this person needs to know that there is a time and place for their negativity, and specifically, the everyday is not the time, nor the place.

In the end, yes, there are many things that annoy me. Although others may criticize my severe attitude and call me a hypocrite, they need to know that these problems are increasing. People nowadays could care less of what others think, disregarding all manners to negatively affect those around them. It is this fact that I despise, for everyone must be respectful, especially around others they do not know. Although my feelings towards these people may not be respectful and may brand me a hypocrite, it is important to me that everyone knows the truth, however harsh it may seem. Yes, similar to the Grinch, it may seem that I do not have a heart, but I believe that it is there, just three times too small.