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A Chaotic Summer Day

It was a beautiful summer day. It was quite warm. There was Isabel’s bonfire later and not a cloud to be seen in the sky. Who would have thought that it would go so terribly wrong? I certainly did not. I did not expect this one day to ruin my entire summer.

I opened my phone, unaware of what is waiting on the screen. With my heart rising to my throat, I read those words that send anybody’s world spinning into chaos: “We need to talk.” I drop the phone and it starts to buzz under my leg. I can feel everything: the sharp edge of my bed in my back, the roughness of the carpet under my leg, and my heart pounding in my chest. I can see everything with eyes sharp as a hawk: my fingers trembling, picking up the phone; my curtains swaying in a breeze; and the words “incoming call” on my cell. I hear my clock ticking louder than it ever has, blood rushing in my ears. There is the taste of iron on my tongue as I bite hard into my lip.

I push “receive call” on my phone, and bring it to my ear. I am in a daze, only catching a few words: “tied down,” “maybe at a later time,” “still love you.” In my mind, these jumbled words come together to mean only one thing: “You don’t matter to me anymore.” Waterfalls of tears cover my eyes; I hang up the phone and let my head fall back against the wood on my bed with a THUMP. I welcome the pain, letting anything clear my mind of the emotional hurt that was caused so carelessly. With my head swimming, I call Isabel, hoping for comfort. Once she is able to understand me through my tear-choked voice, she somehow convinces me to still come to her bonfire and try to have a little fun this night.

I wallow around, because I do not have to leave for almost six whole hours. The hours are agony. I try anything and everything to distract me from the pain. As in all the sad, cheesy romance movies, I go get some Ben & Jerry’s and eat it. The cool, slippery, sweet taste of the ice cream sliding down my throat does nothing to ease the ache in my heart, yet the heartache is nothing in comparison to the throbbing in my head. It is the beating of a thousand drums in unison, all chanting: “He doesn’t like you. He doesn’t love you. He wants nothing to do with you.“ By five p.m., I cannot take it any longer and get ready early.

I go to the bonfire, hoping to forget what has happened that day. Isabel is waiting for me at the door; immediately she pulls me into a long hug. I burst into tears at this touch of kindness that says so much more than what words could ever say. It gives me comfort even when I am feeling that the world is so cruel. She helps me calm down. I force myself to push all my feelings deep down inside, plaster a happy smile onto my face, and head outside. People are starting to arrive and I feel fake as I smile and act like everything is okay. In everyone outside, I notice only one thing: their features that are so much like his. Cheekbones, eyes, parted hair, the tiniest things that are similar are what I notice. Eyes so brown like his startle me when I see them looking at me in a passing glance. I cannot get him out of my mind as we head to the fire pit.

As we sit around the fire, the talk turns to boys, and it brings back the painful conversation of earlier. It brings a bitter taste to my mouth, and tears of regret to my eye. The wood smoke smell adds to my sadness, for he and I were going to get together for a bonfire a week later. All of a sudden, the wind gusts, bringing a scent to my nose that overpowers the wood smoke; the scent of someone wearing his cologne hits me right in the face. At this, I excuse myself, because I can no longer take the similarities.

I head into Isabel’s house, and sink down onto the kitchen floor. I weep, wondering how such a beautiful summer day could turn so wrong. The heartache I am feeling is so much more than I have ever felt before. I am so intent upon my depression that I do not hear the SQUEEEAK of the door opening. Isabel walks in, having seen I left the party and wondering why.

We sit down and talk for a long time. We talk about the cruelness of some people and how things can go wrong when they seem so perfect. She once again manages to comfort and calm me, this time with words. In this, she ended up helping me to still see the beauty in life even when it is treating me in such a cruel manner and I feel as if there is no hope. She helped my summer day become beautiful again.





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