This Person

You have to put yourself in this position to understand. Pay the utmost attention. Be this person; feel their pain.

You are nothing. Nothing is worth anything. You aren’t living, you’re simply alive. You wake up because you’re done sleeping. You go to school because you really just don’t want to have to deal with peoples crap when you don’t. You sleep because no one else is awake. You eat because people look at you strange if you don’t for long enough. You talk to people only when directly addressed. Nothing has meaning and it sucks. Then someone walks into your existence and everything is right. You wake up to better yourself and the world for this person because they deserve it. You go to school to see and talk to and be there for this person. You go to sleep to dream about them. They hurt you sometimes, or course, everyone hurts everyone but it’s worth it. You sit and a table staring the wood and thinking. Thinking about what it would be like to stare at the wood with this person. You get the chance to do just that and its so much better just because this persons there. The world revolves around this person. No, this person IS the world, and its orbit, what it revolves around and everything in it. You are alive and this person is meaning; this person is reason. One night, this person calls and makes everything perfect. They explain all their mistakes, you understand, and all is well. You fall asleep on the best night of your life and don’t dream because no dream could be better than the coming reality, right? Wrong. The next morning you’re on your knees, crying your heart out. Weeks pass by and you don’t get any better. You wake up, remember you have nothing to wake up for, and cry. You leave for school, remember you have nothing to go there for, and cry. You get ready for sleep, remember you have nothing to dream about, and cry. For months, the first thing you do when you wake up (only because sleep is over) is remind yourself how pathetic you are for losing the only thing worth having you’ve ever had. Life is nothing again. You torture yourself with thoughts of this person - everything they were and everything you lost - for so long that you become strong; not strong enough but stronger. Then you look at their pictures, and listen to their songs; it kills you but makes you stronger yet. You do not speak to or see this person. You finally have yourself convinced that you can be happy without this person and maybe have found someone else worth finding. You know yourself and the power this person has over you well enough to know that, as long as you avoid them, things might be ok, but at the sight of them, unless you have a good enough reason not to; you will lose everything all over again. You spend two years preparing yourself to come face to face with this person. You see this person at the movies and your heart jumps into you throat. You cannot look away from that spot for hours on end and, if it weren’t for you being dragged away, you would have stayed there forever. You recognize this as the weakness it is and notice, yet again, just how pathetically not over this person you actually are. Then the time comes for confrontation and you are afraid. You know you could never tell this person ‘No’. You know you could never deny this person something that they wanted. People ask “what if they’ve changed?” but you cannot process the thought. The hope would inevitably kill you and you would have lost all of your strength. You know you could not turn away from this person, but everyone that means anything to you expects you to. It’s this person that doesn’t deserve it against you that does.
Who wins?





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