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Girls, Guys, Gossip, and Cries

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Thursday, February 11, 2010. My English teacher decides to give my class an assignment over break. She said, “Write a poem about friendship” I immediately thought ‘Oh boy’, but she wasn’t done yet, “think about your friends, use them as a muse.” ‘Okay I thought, just great. The icing on top of the cake for me. I guess I can use those “people” called friends as examples. I sure have had quite a ride with them’.

You could say I haven’t had the easiest history with friends. I have trust issues, but not the usual kind. My problem is I trust people immediately. I meet someone and automatically assume that they are a great person. I’m working on it, but I should be able to trust the girls I call my best friends right?

Guess again. I thought I could trust these so called “best friends”. We’ve been together for five years now. I’ve always been there for them, whether it be doling out advice, being a shoulder to cry on, car-pooling, defending them, or cheering them on. In my judgment, I’m a good friend. And it’s not selfish to expect that in return, it’s common courtesy, it’s the golden rule.

Well, my life is the perfect counterexample. I guess my “friends” are just too desperate to be the cynosure to actually care for anyone besides themselves, especially my ex narcissistic, conniving, friend, Cara. Cara is one of those girls that carries herself with no pride and craves attention, no matter if it is good or bad, I wouldn’t exactly classify us as friends, as we were only friends because we hung out with the same girls. She has a bad reputation, especially when in come to guys and trust. That’s why I don’t tell her things.

Since her business became boring for everyone else, she had the urge to make mine everyone else’s story of the day. I have this friend, Mark. We’ve been friends for seven years and our families are tight. I’d consider myself lucky to have met him. He is a great guy, and that’s all I told a few of my “friends”. For some reason, they misconstrued the statement and started telling people that I was in love with Mark and that I was stalking him. Yeah, I thought he was attractive and nice, but I wasn’t looking for anything more than friendship. Well, my “friends” told Cara this and Cara proceeded to tell him this whole entire bacchanal version of my statement, in the middle of our chemistry class…with me sitting right in front of them.

I felt like my world was crashing down around me. This was the last straw. I couldn’t take anymore. Another “friend” who had partaken in the discussion about Mark and me tried to talk to me after class. I yelled at her and stormed out of school, with tears and mascara running down my face before I even got into the car. Before my mom could even get an ounce of sound out of her mouth and cried, “Just drive”.
***

That was one of the worst days of my life and it only occurred recently. Since then, I have confronted Cara and talked to Mark. Mark and I are good, but Cara and I never will be.

These girls are supposed to be my best of friends. I have told her that I will never forgive her. It hurts, and I don’t know if I could survive this happening again. My other friends told her and the ones who weren’t involved aren’t really friends. If so, they would be supporting me, not telling me to just forget about it. I guess they were never really friends though, for true friendship never ends. They just put on a façade to use me, and Bravo, mission accomplished.

Today, I’m hanging in there. I won’t lie, it’s difficult. I am so used to these girls and I see them frequently in school. But, I have to be done. I shouldn’t have to try so hard to be with a certain group of people; friendship should come naturally. I will also admit it hurts a lot. I don’t know how I will ever trust people. Maybe my trust issues will take a 180°. I just don’t know if I could put my trust in someone again, with the risk of feeling the emotions that I have felt. I guess this is a clichéd S.O.S, but I need someone to prove to me, that everyone isn’t like Cara.

Note: All names and people are changed for privacy reasons





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