Five Years!

It’s been Five years. Five long years; without you by my side. This has been too long. Usually the time will just pass; but every year in February you come back.

“Where is she? I didn’t see her downstairs,” I thought to myself, as I passed her window. ”She is always there.”

There are times when I can’t control myself. The tears begin to flow and my mind goes crazy. You make it unbearable to get sleep at night. Sitting on my bed I have to hold myself so tight. I feel like every part of me is detaching.

“Mom,” I yelled when I got home from school. “Where are you?”

Her van was gone and my grandmother was not downstairs. Neither was my grandfather.

“That’s weird,” I thought as I came up stairs.

“They went to the hospital this morning,” Christina said, like it was nothing important.

I need you. There are times when I walk downstairs and I feel like you are still down there. Like you are standing behind me, but when I turn around, I don’t see you.

Your face is constantly on my mind. Flashing pictures of you and me. I don’t think that I will be able to forget you. You are a constant reminder to me everyday.
That night my mom and my grandfather didn’t come home until 10 pm. My grandmother wasn’t with them. She was still in the hospital.
“How is she? What was she saying? Is she ok?” I kept asking. “Is she in pain? Did the doctors say anything to you? When is she coming home? Can I go see her tomorrow?”
“Hush up. She is fine, and yes, you can go see her tomorrow,” my mom said. “Now go to sleep. It’s already late.”
While at home my mom made phone calls to my cousins to tell them about her day at the hospital.
10:30pm on February 2, 2005, we got a phone call from the hospital.
I still hear my mother’s scream as she answered the doctor. The horror that shot through me as I ran downstairs. It was too late. I don’t think that I had ever fallen to the floor so hard before. While on the floor I kept on wishing that the whole thing was a mistake; that I was dreaming.
I couldn’t see you that night. Our house was destroyed. People were all over the place screaming and crying. I have never seen such disorganization.





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