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Mom, I’m Gay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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     I remember that day when I proudly stated, “Mom, I’m gay.” I felt liberated - until I realized that she wanted to push me out of the car. Liberation, all right. Good thing I wasn’t liberated from my seat belt.

I’ve always been one to test the waters. Sometimes the outcome is good, like admitting I’m gay, and sometimes the outcome is tragic, like that haircut in third grade.

I decided to tell her that night because she was mad at me already. Yes, and my parents call me the smart child. I felt the need to test the limits again. Besides, how much deeper could I dig myself?

Well, it turns out, pretty far.

“Mom, I’m gay.”

The car swerved to the left. Honk. Then to the right. Beep. As she straightened out, I realized I had just blabbed the secret of a lifetime; some people keep this inside their whole lives while I blurted it out on a car ride to my therapist’s office.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am,” I responded, just for the sake of contradicting her. “Look, I’m going out on a limb to tell you. It’s not easy for me.” Well, there it was. It just came out. Once I got going, it was pretty easy.

“I just want you to be normal. Don’t you want to be normal?”

“I do! This has nothing to do with being normal!” An argument. Things were getting interesting.

“Then fix it. Don’t be gay!”

Oh, if I could have screamed, I would have! Fix it? There’s nothing to be fixed! Toilets need to be fixed! My sexuality? Nope! Being gay isn’t something I could do anything about. I was mad, so I huffed and puffed in silence as she drove, white-knuckled, down the highway.

At the therapist’s office, I bawled about how unlucky I was to have a mother who lacked understanding, was uncaring and was a bad driver. The therapist called my mom in, saying the three of us needed to talk. I sensed a fiasco.

Mom walked in with a fake smile. I wanted to tell her to wipe it off, but that wasn’t what we were here for. She sat next to me and I started analyzing her every move. Okay, she sat down next to me. That’s good. Extra long blink. Not good. She doesn’t even want to look at me. She’s shifting in her seat. She’s uncomfortable. Or maybe she’s trying to get closer to me. Or farther away.

“Hello? Earth to you, dear.”

“Umm.” Perfect. I felt like an idiot. My therapist was being paid huge amounts of money to hear me say umm and analyze my mother’s every move? I was so busy looking at my mom that I’d completely missed what my therapist had been saying.

“I think you know that Mom loves you no matter what. And Mom, this isn’t an attention thing. I’ve known this for a while. It’s no big secret.” Well, not anymore!

We went home that evening pretending nothing had happened. I was careful not to distract my mother.

And today? Well, we’re getting along. I’ve learned to love the fact that I like girls and am secure in my sexuality, I’ve been able to tell other people. I’m not ashamed anymore. It’s who I am. Just like I’ll always mismatch my socks, I’ll always have a weakness for underwear shopping and hazelnut coffee, and I’ll always like girls. My mother may not exactly love it, but she can deal. But just wait until I bring home my first girlfriend!

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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This article has 186 comments. Post your own!

bazan13 said...
May 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm:

you know i am happy for you cause it takes alot of courage to come out and say that to your family i know that you must have been afraid and scared i know i would have been!

 

 

 

 
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Tomboy said...
May 7, 2010 at 10:30 am:
Wether someone gay or not this artical is awesome in the fact it says just be proud of who you are.  sorry your mom didn't approve, i think its weird when people say that being gay isn't normal
 
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DomtheBomb said...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm:
good job! love yourself for who u are and eventually people will do the same
 
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toxic.monkey said...
Apr. 15, 2010 at 12:40 pm:
this was pretty funny and very serious at the same time! really good job! :D happy that you're feeling comfortable and peaceful about yourself
 
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brandisky said...
Apr. 13, 2010 at 10:53 am:
im bisexual, and one of my "friends" told everyone in the middle and high school, and i was being teased because of it, and am now homeschooled. im going back next year for highschool, and i have had a lot to think about during my homeschooling. i no longer care what people think, and my friends and family know, and they are proud of me. i respect you for telling your mom upfront about it. this was a great article.
 
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Tenthmuse said...
Mar. 25, 2010 at 12:00 am:
Great article! Your mom can build a bridge and get over it, eh?
 
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hushedlove said...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 11:10 pm:
evry one at my skool thinkz being bi or gay or lez is bad. when they found out the new kid wuz bi they went crazy. i didnt care. even though u have a diff sexuality dosent mean ur an kool person
 
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Lovely:) said...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 4:02 pm:
exactly my bff's are gay
 
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Allessandrea-Rukia said...
Mar. 24, 2010 at 2:43 am:
this is very very great :) i know some people who are gay and one of them, his parents believed that it could be fixed also. i think people who think that homosexual people are "broken" are dumb (no offense to your mother) but really, who could be so closed-minded?
 
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brenda15 said...
Mar. 2, 2010 at 9:48 pm:
i like this story alot!! u hve to be yourself no matter what.
 
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CocoMiami said...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 12:14 pm:
i think there is nothing wrong with it bi or lesbians or gays are actually a role model for people who are different and dont care what peoople think whether its a choice or not
 
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kindyxkandy said...
Jan. 21, 2010 at 10:16 pm:
Great article, its very inspirational of you to share this expiriance. There's nothing wrong with being gay , and anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is purely ignorant. GLTB Pride <33
 
Sara! replied...
Feb. 2, 2010 at 3:41 pm :
I agree completely!
 
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PayPay said...
Dec. 28, 2009 at 4:59 pm:
There is nothing worng with it. I have alot of friends who or like that. They could help you with your looks and things. I mean wow thanks for comeing out!!!!!!
 
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Wolfsong said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 7:00 pm:
Ohmygosh. I'm glad you wrote this! My momma loves me no matter what, but I know that isn't the case with some people. However, I remember being at Eliada Homes and crying over the phone to my mom, "MOM! I'm BI!" And sobbing uncontrollably. The woman I loved there was the best woman I felt was on the face of the earth. She always helped me... I think she's the only girl I'll ever love for real.
~Wolfsong
 
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Dandelion said...
Dec. 26, 2009 at 4:14 pm:
You deserve applause! Although I, myself, am not gay , I have no objection to it whatsoever. It's only a variation in tastes! :)
 
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LesCrow said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 1:06 pm:
I believe being  gay  is a decision, it's not how you were made.
 
Rayu94 replied...
Jan. 14, 2010 at 8:23 pm :
I just recently discovered that I'm gay, and it was never a decision for me. I went most of my life thinking I was straight and wondering why I didn't feel the need to ogle boys like my friends sometimes did. When I finally figured it out, it wasn't, "Oh, I think I'll try that," it was, "Wow. That explains a lot." (For some reason, no)ne of my friends or family were as surprised as me.
 
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ShrimpyBB said...
Dec. 4, 2009 at 12:17 am:
This is a great article. My cousin is gay and she doesn't seem any different. You don't act any different than straight people! I don't see what the big deal is, it's just who you are. Great Job!!
 
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Aleece said...
Nov. 12, 2009 at 5:47 pm:
nice coming out with your feelings
 
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