Guilty Stains

July 15, 2010
Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”

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This article has 493 comments. Post your own now!

gpg1121 said...
Oct. 31, 2011 at 7:56 pm
GREAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
carlya14 said...
Oct. 11, 2011 at 4:50 pm
I really liked it! Very suspensful :)
at22 said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 12:29 pm
It's OK but the writing needs work.
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 7:49 am
Thanks for commenting, Maky.
aakel said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 6:13 pm
Exellent writing, enjoyable and tense.
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 30, 2011 at 10:09 am
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it. Hope the next piece keeps up the suspense as well. Maky
gauchi tong said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 4:31 pm
very nice!
.Izzy. said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm
Very well done. A lot of suspense and a nice twist at the end. Keep writing!
MakenaB_mjbc99 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jun. 24, 2011 at 4:42 pm
Thank you! Glad you liked it, Maky
potter said...
May 19, 2011 at 7:42 am
Good suspense. Liked this thriller.
Casal said...
May 19, 2011 at 7:41 am
maria said...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 11:21 am
Just can imagine Brown as a Sherlock Holmes!
enzo said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:34 pm
Excellent work. Waiting for your next piece!
Belle Bel said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:33 pm
Enjoyed it much! :D!
dalton said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:32 pm
Can picture it scene by scene!
kenny said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:31 pm
Enjoyed your stories as much as your videos! Keep it going kid!
mabas said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:30 pm
Nice piece, "Guilty Stains" has a different twist from "Due Tomorrow" but both have your "mjbc99" signature. Well done Maky
grider said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm
Excellent thriller! The title gets the point!
ferleb said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 12:53 pm
Ok! As stories go both "Guilty Stains" and "Due Tomorrow" are great. regarding the playlists on youtube my favourite one is "Sketches Playlist"
miki said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 12:51 pm
This thriller is :D! Regarding the playlists on youtube my choice is "Science by Makena Joy Binker-Cosen Productions". However my sister enjoyed more the playlist "Stories by Makena Joy Binker-Cosen Productions" more
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