The Taste of Smoke | Teen Ink

The Taste of Smoke

January 10, 2014
By aliprat13 BRONZE, Murphy, North Carolina
aliprat13 BRONZE, Murphy, North Carolina
3 articles 1 photo 0 comments

The fumes stung the stagnant air, a cloud of exhaust burning at Elsa’s nose and eyes. She pulled her gas mask over her face as she walked across the beams of the ceiling. The factory floor clang with the sound of machines as workers put away equipment and clocked out. Rust chipped from the beams as Elsa walked across to the far wall where a dilapidated ladder led to the ground level. She swung down the ladder and looked both ways before heading to the door. From her belt she pulled an ID card. She followed the crowd of workers to the doorway, swiping her card on the way out.

The sound of harsh breaks was heard as the subway car back to the city pulled to a stop at the factory platform. The crowd huddled into the car, Elsa taking her place against the far wall in the corner. Atlas met eyes with her as he boarded the car. Atlas was a few inches taller than Elsa, built with a minimal amount of muscle. His short dark hair was dusted with ashes from the factory, also smudging his face around his big green eyes. He took a seat next to Elsa, resting his hand in his lap as the last of the workers boarded and the train car lurched into motion. “How was work?” Elsa asked meekly, surprised to hear her voice for the first time today. “Same old same old,” Atlas shrugged, looking to the floor.

The rest of the ride back into the city was filled with the small chatter of the workers, discussing sports or drinking or their families. Everyone dispersed at the station. Atlas walked with Elsa in the cobble streets towards her home. “They say the council is having a meeting tonight, a final decision on this idea of “extermination”,” Atlas muttered quietly. “They can’t possibly do that, kill all those people,” Elsa sighed. “I wish that wasn’t the case but both of us know perfectly well that they could kill whoever and whatever they wanted,” Atlas frowned, kicking a pebble across the street. Dirty people watched them pass, huddling back into their houses. “And what if it is enacted?” Elsa whispered, keeping her eyes on the ground. “I don’t know,” Atlas sighed, running his hand through his hair as they turned into the alleyway that held the treacherous stair case up to Elsa’s apartment. They pair silently climbed the metal stairs, stopping at the top. Atlas turned to Elsa and weakly smiled, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Elsa nodded numbly and waved a goodbye as she slipped into the apartment.

“Welcome home oh beautiful daughter of mine,” called Elsa’s father as she entered the main room of their apartment. Elsa smiled at her father as he ruffled her hair, making his way towards the workbench in the corner of the room. Elsa slung her belt to the floor and slipped out of her boots, following her father to sit at the dirty workbench. She marveled at the table of bolts, wires, and gears. “Look what I finished this afternoon,” Her fathers smirked. A small mechanical man sat on the table, the height of a pencil. Her father placed the metal wind key in the man’s back and twisted it until the little man sprung to life, turning his head as if looking around with no eyes. His arm raised and his fingers curled before the charge of the coil died and the man moved no more.

“Too bad we don’t have an actual battery huh?” Her father chuckled, handing Elsa the wind key, “How was your day?” He asked with a smile. “It was a day,” Elsa shrugged with a weak smile. “Well that’s good, always good to see a day huh?” He laughed, standing and heading into the small kitchen where a pot boiled on the stove. “Soup, soup, and more soup! Everyday soup!” He sang as he stirred the brew. Elsa giggled as she listened to his song. She turned back to the table and wound the little man for moment. The man looked up to her and made shakey steps towards the edge of the table. Elsa watched curiously, reaching out her hand to make a platform for the man to step onto. He walked onto her hand, kneeling for leverage. She lifted his closer to her face. The man outstretched his hand, reaching for her as the coil stopped and he turn to plain metal once again.


The author's comments:
I am very proud to present an exert from the first chapter of the novel I am presently working on.

"The Taste of Smoke is about a pair of teens in a futuristic steampunk inspired world. Everything begins to fall apart in this world as the oppressive government looks to kill Elsa and her family for their outspoken interest in science and technology that they are not allowed to have."

I am hoping to continue this novel if it gains interest through TeenInk. Enjoy!

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This article has 1 comment.


on Jan. 13 2014 at 6:17 pm
gone45637 BRONZE, Tucker, Georgia
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is a method to my madness.

This is really good! Can't wait to read more!