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Regretful Insanity

It felt like some horribly deformed creature from my worst nightmares was gnawing at the edge of this missing chunk in my chest. I took a deep breath trying to fill in the gap beneath my ribs. My arms stretched out behind my head as i laid back on the stiff, damp, grass blades. A deep throaty sigh clung to the breath i released, involuntarily. The sun was carefully blocked out by a gray tinted cloud, as the wind pulled and tugged viciously at my hair. Rain clung to each breath of air i took, and the small urge to run and find shelter from the oncoming storm was engulfed and forgotten by that parasitic nuisance. It slithered and clawed at the muscle beneath my skin, hunting feverishly for any stray thought or emotion. It had me lying there numb and incapable of thought, as my eyes fogged over. I was vaguely aware of droplets of water striking my lifeless skin. The edges of the hole in my chest began to burn, as if the creatures teeth were tipped with a poison that moved quickly throughout my aching body. The flaring pain swirled and brought rot throughout my veins. My eyes lay half closed, showing no acknowledgment of the searing pain that laced itself throughout my body. The clouds began to build up causing a thick warm darkness to press against my face. A dim instinct nudged at my mind, but the aching pain was much to strong, i couldn't focus enough on it to figure out what it was saying. I felt chiseled from a gray soft slick marble, feeling it impossible to move a single twitch ever again. My limbs were stiff from pain and i refused to let go of the sticky hot breath caught in my burning lungs. I felt blood rushing much to fast through my brain and the pouring rain began to blur. I closed my eyes and let the violent menace squirm and writhe its way up to the blank screen in my mind. I hissed in pain when the all to familiar face arrived before my eyes, laughing and talking indistinctly at me. Her brown hair in a long lose frizzy bun showed explanation through the deep sagging gray bags indented in her pale smooth cheeks, beneath her eyes. She was driving a car, but her bright sky blue eyes looked directly at me, glowing with some secret hidden in her mind. The poison burned fiercly around the edges of my hole, as the window infront of the car cracked and shattered, sending glass pieces into the womans face. Her smile faded as she turned back to see a black truck indented in out car, blood and glass struck and smeared her face as the air bags deployed and my vision was blocked out. I yelled as loudly as i could, as i suddenly became aware of the sharp stinging pain in my own face and arms. I heard her getting out of the car frantically, but before she could reach me i heard a loud bang. Only later did i find out what i heard was a gun shot. I ripped my eyes open and riggedly threw myself in a hunched over position. The monster coiled around my throat burning my tongue as it flowed before me as vomit. I coughed and gagged, my whole body suffering through violent convulsions. The rain quickly washed away my shame as i weakly fell to the side, breathing hard. My throat felt raw and stung horribly with every gust of humid wind that rushed to my lungs. Tremors ran through my weak frame from the harsh cold and soaked clothing i wore. I carefully rolled on all fours, the instinct to find shelter no longer was held hostage by the parasite and i stood, swaying slightly from the emptiness of my stomch and the pure strength of the wind. I staggered clumsily across the wide open field. Lightning cracked and struck the oak tree a few feet from me. I screamed and got knocked back, moaning in pain, as i felt the horrible creature crawling over my legs and shredding a pathway to my ribs. I looked back at the flames sweetly licking their way up the worn bark. The heat pressed against my skin as i squeezed my eyes shut, the image of those bright blue eyes staring back at me was a lethal plague. They starred dulled back at me, the life sucked from her soul, not a trace of that hidden secret left. Her face lightly scarrd by the pieces of glass jammed in it and a single bullet hole in her forehead let leak forth a fresh streak of blood. Her skin was smooth and gray, icy cold to the touch. Her lips parted were split and chapped. The poison in my system flared uncontrollably at the site. My muscles twitched and felt ripped from the inside out and my heart felt burned and charred, more so than the oak tree before me. Suddenly, i stiffened and sat up. The monster chuckled and snickered running wildly around my system, tearing up as much as it could in one shot. I yelled tearing off my clothes. I shreiked and moaned yearning to be natural and feel real and alive. I clenched my fists and walked gracefully and easily towards the tree. The passionate fingers anxiously wrapped themselves around my mangled soul and for the first time in 10 years I actually laughed, if for only a moment.





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