Immortal blood

September 23, 2009
By Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
Amer-Nae PLATINUM, Maynard, Arkansas
29 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?


I sat on the park bench hoping that he would fall for the bait...me. It was so close to midnight that I could see the aura of the trees. That's when someone tackled me off the bench to the ground. I gasped. As I looked up tiger yellow eyes were staring at me. His hair was as dark as the night sky and his skin was almost transulsent. I tried not scream. I hated them near me. Vampires.... He smiled at me.


"Princess making yourself bait again?" I laughed when i realized that It was the Vampire that I was suppost to Marry. Yeah I know messed up.



"Stay out of this Quinn. Its my job."

"Yes but not for long." I growled racking my blade across his arm. He hissed in pain and rolled off of me. I gave me enough time to get to my feet and face him. Quinn gracefully got to his feet and I could tell that I made him mad at me.

"Lets play then." He lunged at me snapping his teeth. I smiled knowing that he was going to hurt me if he got the chance, he always did. Thats when he snarled which caught me off guard-making me drop my arms. His fangs sank into my arm. I hissed and kicked him away from me. He was laughing. I saw my blood on his lips. I only had time to glance down at my arm to see the damage. Which wasn't bad at all. But Quinn came at me again but with more force this time..I barely got out of his grip that time. I knew that I would tire out soon enoug hand he would gain the power over me but I won't go down without a fight............


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This article has 21 comments.


on Jan. 17 2012 at 3:03 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

This is, in one word, very raw. The emotion and imagery is amazing, but there are obvious errors that make it hard to follow. It could use some touching up (maybe add some more details? I found it a little hard to follow) but it's obvious you have a lot of talent!

on Dec. 4 2011 at 6:22 pm
Writer_Jordan GOLD, Ellicott City, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

what exactly is going on?

on May. 20 2011 at 12:05 pm
Mortie PLATINUM, Oak Run, California
31 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whats The Point?

this is a good story! i got a little confused, and some of the grammar/spelling is off, but other than that, i liked it!!!! good job!

LadyShady GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2010 at 6:05 pm
LadyShady GOLD, New York City, New York
11 articles 0 photos 24 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To the people I forgot, you weren't on my mind for some reason and you probably don't deserve any thanks anyway." - Eminem

Hey good job, add a bit more description in the begining, and grammer/punctuation, but toher than that, great job! Can yu write more?

irtfaz said...
on Nov. 25 2010 at 12:32 pm
irtfaz, Brentwood, Tennessee
0 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything in this room, everything you see is eatable. Even I myself am eatable, but that, children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies."

Not bad :) But there were a lot of errors in punctuation and spelling, which got really distracting. I also think you need more detail and clarity of the story itself. (Just because it's a SHORT story doesn't mean you leave us completely confused.)

on Nov. 3 2010 at 3:35 pm
elfen_girl BRONZE, Wilmslow, Other
3 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
K.I.S.S - Keep it simple stupid

you really like 2 write about vampires

on Nov. 3 2010 at 11:08 am
meganleigh122 GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
13 articles 0 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance in the rain."

Good story line, but you need a little more detail, even if you don't take it past a short story. But keep it up : )

on Oct. 17 2010 at 2:51 pm
Dessometrics BRONZE, Charleston, South Carolina
4 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
currently seeking

very nice i love it but plz continue you have my interest

on Oct. 12 2010 at 9:13 am
TheBeast334 BRONZE, Brighton, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 27 comments
Good story but need more to it... it's just the beginning. if the Author wrote more I would read it.

on Aug. 29 2010 at 5:23 pm
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
What is going on?!? This story makes very little sense.

on Aug. 7 2010 at 10:30 am
DiamondsIntheGrass GOLD, Martinsville, New Jersey
14 articles 1 photo 279 comments

Favorite Quote:
Worry is simply a misuse of the imagination.

why are they fightin?

on Aug. 7 2010 at 2:22 am
Future_author SILVER, Baltimore, Maryland
9 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some secrets can hurt, but sometimes they keep you safe, but all secrets are found out sooner or later.

You should definitely write more

on Mar. 5 2010 at 8:39 pm
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM, Highland Village, Texas
30 articles 6 photos 203 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See in what peace a Christian can die." - Joseph Addison
"How come everyone will come to your´╗┐ funeral, but nobody will come see you when you are living?"

i agree too. i like the style of writing! good job, keep it up!

Wasda BRONZE said...
on Feb. 24 2010 at 6:54 pm
Wasda BRONZE, Cave Creek, Arizona
1 article 0 photos 36 comments
make the story longer

Jolly11 SILVER said...
on Dec. 5 2009 at 12:29 am
Jolly11 SILVER, Odessa, Washington
7 articles 0 photos 8 comments
I like the storyline, but I can't really tell who is saying what...

erika4964 said...
on Nov. 27 2009 at 9:57 pm
I kept up just fine. It was that kind of begining where you have to keep reading to understand. (Or so I think.)But it was a really great story.

vampirequeen said...
on Oct. 7 2009 at 9:09 am
i agree,more detail wold of been better i love vampire storys but i didnt understand this one

on Oct. 5 2009 at 8:17 pm
That was awsome i love vampires btw there awsome along with zombies well beside the whole eating brains thing ahhh gross!! but your story was totally amazing i love it!! :)

on Oct. 5 2009 at 3:56 pm
Krissy627 SILVER, Manhasset, New York
6 articles 0 photos 4 comments
i agree, it was a little confusing but has great potential

reader44545 said...
on Oct. 3 2009 at 1:16 pm
didn't get it. not enough details for me even if it was a short story.


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