Immortal blood

September 23, 2009
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I sat on the park bench hoping that he would fall for the bait...me. It was so close to midnight that I could see the aura of the trees. That's when someone tackled me off the bench to the ground. I gasped. As I looked up tiger yellow eyes were staring at me. His hair was as dark as the night sky and his skin was almost transulsent. I tried not scream. I hated them near me. Vampires.... He smiled at me.


"Princess making yourself bait again?" I laughed when i realized that It was the Vampire that I was suppost to Marry. Yeah I know messed up.



"Stay out of this Quinn. Its my job."

"Yes but not for long." I growled racking my blade across his arm. He hissed in pain and rolled off of me. I gave me enough time to get to my feet and face him. Quinn gracefully got to his feet and I could tell that I made him mad at me.

"Lets play then." He lunged at me snapping his teeth. I smiled knowing that he was going to hurt me if he got the chance, he always did. Thats when he snarled which caught me off guard-making me drop my arms. His fangs sank into my arm. I hissed and kicked him away from me. He was laughing. I saw my blood on his lips. I only had time to glance down at my arm to see the damage. Which wasn't bad at all. But Quinn came at me again but with more force this time..I barely got out of his grip that time. I knew that I would tire out soon enoug hand he would gain the power over me but I won't go down without a fight............





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This article has 21 comments. Post your own now!

readaholic This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 17, 2012 at 3:03 pm
This is, in one word, very raw. The emotion and imagery is amazing, but there are obvious errors that make it hard to follow. It could use some touching up (maybe add some more details? I found it a little hard to follow) but it's obvious you have a lot of talent!
 
Writer_Jordan said...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 6:22 pm
what exactly is going on?
 
AnimalGirl said...
May 20, 2011 at 12:05 pm
this is a good story! i got a little confused, and some of the grammar/spelling is off, but other than that, i liked it!!!! good job!
 
ShankssYuLater said...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 6:05 pm
Hey good job, add a bit more description in the begining, and grammer/punctuation, but toher than that, great job! Can yu write more?
 
irtfaz said...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 12:32 pm
Not bad :) But there were a lot of errors in punctuation and spelling, which got really distracting. I also think you need more detail and clarity of the story itself. (Just because it's a SHORT story doesn't mean you leave us completely confused.)
 
elfen_girl said...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 3:35 pm
you really like 2 write about vampires
 
^unshed.tears said...
Nov. 3, 2010 at 11:08 am
Good story line, but you need a little more detail, even if you don't take it past a short story. But keep it up : )
 
Dessometrics said...
Oct. 17, 2010 at 2:51 pm
very nice i love it but plz continue you have my interest
 
Speed said...
Oct. 12, 2010 at 9:13 am
Good story but need more to it... it's just the beginning. if the Author wrote more I would read it.
 
copper~lemon~drop This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 5:23 pm
What is going on?!? This story makes very little sense.
 
DiamondsIntheGrass This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 7, 2010 at 10:30 am
why are they fightin?
 
CindyAguilar said...
Aug. 7, 2010 at 2:22 am
You should definitely write more
 
Wasda said...
Feb. 24, 2010 at 6:54 pm
make the story longer
 
Jolly11 said...
Dec. 5, 2009 at 12:29 am
I like the storyline, but I can't really tell who is saying what...
 
erika4964 said...
Nov. 27, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I kept up just fine. It was that kind of begining where you have to keep reading to understand. (Or so I think.)But it was a really great story.
 
vampirequeen said...
Oct. 7, 2009 at 9:09 am
i agree,more detail wold of been better i love vampire storys but i didnt understand this one
 
VampireChick719 said...
Oct. 5, 2009 at 8:17 pm
That was awsome i love vampires btw there awsome along with zombies well beside the whole eating brains thing ahhh gross!! but your story was totally amazing i love it!! :)
 
reader44545 said...
Oct. 3, 2009 at 1:16 pm
didn't get it. not enough details for me even if it was a short story.
 
Krissy627 replied...
Oct. 5, 2009 at 3:56 pm
i agree, it was a little confusing but has great potential
 
Evelyn replied...
Mar. 5, 2010 at 8:39 pm
i agree too. i like the style of writing! good job, keep it up!
 
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